My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,
After a few hours of study last night, I took a break to prepare a cup of tea and enjoy some pure milk chocolate in an effort to lift my mood. It helped a little, but I couldn't shake my feeling of disappointment and general blah-ness. I decided to turn in early, but those plans were foiled thanks to the highly entertaining posts at Tales From the Serenity Now Hospital. A hint, my darling: their most popular posts, listed on the right-hand column, are popular for a reason.
Having awoken from the first full eight hours of sleep I've had since the start of term, I expected to feel good and be rarin' to go. I had to force myself out of bed...an hour after my alarm went off. This set off a chain reaction that, I must say, was most unfavourable.
The bus I normally catch has started coming anywhere from 5-10 minutes early, making it exceedingly difficult to judge just when I should head out to the stop. I was determined to get there 20 minutes early today, having been forced to take the later bus and sprint across campus to make it to class on time three school days in a row. So, because I'd woken up late and was still feeling sluggish, I was ready 10 minutes before the bus is scheduled to appear...
and it had already come. I decided that I'd go ahead and drive to school and fork over the cash for a temporary permit. This would be good, I smiled, because I'll make it to class in plenty of time, get a good seat in the front, and then be able to go home whenever I please later on in the evening.
Twenty minutes later, I was not smiling.
In fact, I had uttered a few cursewords and gave an inconsiderate driver the finger. I was in shock after that event because it's something generally quite far removed from my character...not to mention, dangerous as all get-out.
I circled the campus, entering and exiting several parking garages without a glimmer of hope of finding a space. By the time I'd made it back around, class was starting in 20 minutes. There was no time to go back home and catch the bus...I'd be at least 10 minutes late. Once more I searched through a ground-level parking area, and once more came up empty.
...but wait, what's this?
Several cars had parked in the grass alongside the road. Of course! I've seen a million cars do this! I'm going to make it to class (just barely) on time! I parked, properly displayed my temporary permit, and scrambled like a maniac to make it on time.
I didn't make it on time.
In fact, it took me 15 minutes to get to class...which had already started. All of the seats, except for two on the far right side of the room, near the back, with the only accessible pathway to them being all the way down to the front of the room, across the length of the whiteboard where aspects of the lecture were being scribbled out, and then way up to the back of the room. No way. I hate it when kids come shuffling in late and disrupt the whole proceeding by their tardiness. I'm not going to be that guy, especially since the professor knows me. The silent scolding is even worse when it's from someone you know.
Not many things make me feel as crappy as missing class, especially for something that was completely avoidable. Had I not been wallowing in self-pity, or whatever my problem was in the a.m., none of this would've happened. I felt like a failure. It was all horribly blown out of proportion, but that's how it gets for me when that ball starts rolling.
Into the library it was with me and after getting a fair amount of work done, I was feeling better. After lunch, I had an appointment with my adviser, which I was really looking forward to.
Five minutes into that appointment, I want to curl up into a ball under the covers of my bed and just stay there until I was old, grey, and senile.
My academic record is quite good, at least I thought, despite some garbage when I first started college (and subsequently dropped out...I was 19, maybe 20) and the poor showing last term. When asked what my plans were, I stated that nothing had changed and that I desperately want to be in medical school. That's when she did it.
She raised her eyebrow in such a manner that, to me, indicated something equivalent to, "HA! You? You'll never make it!" Way, way back down went my mood. That's a really touchy point for me. In my youth, a lot of poor decisions were made and of them I'm enormously embarrassed. I resolved to work hard to essentially cancel out all of the rubbish. It's a matter of pride and, perhaps a bit foolishly, self-worth.
After the meeting, I thought that maybe I should just major in something silly...or throw in the towel altogether... and carry on not doing anything really productive, meaningful, or worthwhile with my life.
On the trek back to my car, I managed to talk myself out of my bad mood a bit. "I'll show her!" I thought. "I'll get into medical school, alright. I'm going to bust my rump twice as hard from now until graduation, and I'm going to make it." Nothing motivates me more than proving someone wrong about some aspect of my character.
When my car came into view, none of the other grass-parkers were in sight. A little closer, and I noticed a citation affixed to the windshield.
I was charged $25 for parking in the grass. Well, you know, I pay you thousands of dollars in books and tuition each term and I don't make life at all difficult for you people. The least you could do would be to have enough parking to accommodate at least 500 more than the entire student population. At least. Furthermore, posting clear indications that there is to be no parking in the grass would also be a good idea.
Now, there has only been one time in which I received any sort of traffic violation. I got it nearly nine years ago downtown. My meter ran out on me. My fault entirely. The ticket was paid the following Monday. Having been cited for parking on the grass irritated me. I shouldn't have even bothered not getting the temporary permit. In fact, I don't see why I didn't just pull straight up to the building in which my lecture takes place.
I'd had a mind to purchase a parking permit (good for a year), but after today's fiasco with the unavailability of parking, no way. They're so over-priced, as well. I'll keep my money and pay off my loans $100 sooner, thanks.
Results of my first exam tomorrow morning. I hope that brightens up my world. It should.
...but, knowing my luck, I'd better not put any stock in that at all.
Oh, yes, and despite my mentioning several times that I have a big exam next Monday, my flatmates have seen fit to invite some loud guy and his loud girlfriend over to cook dinner and watch what I'm assuming will probably be some loud movie. All of this to take place within the next two hours. Going to study as hard as I can until then.
Oh, no. It starts now. The front door just opened and slammed shut. Heaven help me to be kind and diplomatic with these jokers.
May the grace of He keep you always,