Changes

Yesterday, despite today's exam hanging over my head, was one of the nicest days I've had in recent memory. In between studying, I found time to watch two films with my favourite of this year's flatmates. We later had a conversation lasting several hours that was full of all kinds of 90s nostalgia.

Before I went to bed, the urge to listen to Hootie & the Blowfish overwhelmed me. It rather came out of nowhere, and I very nearly side-stepped indulging myself.

So glad I went through with it.

I looked up "Only Wanna Be With You" on Youtube and remembered watching the goofy video when it was all the rage on MTV years and years ago. It's actually a nice little song, and I don't care what anybody says. There was a link to "Hold My Hand," which was my favourite of their songs... as I was listening to it, I thought a lot about the negative, judgemental, and stifled way with which I've conducted myself since my mid-teens, especially as it relates to any form of art. I'm a terrible film snob, and pretty snobby about music and television, as well.

I can't really help that I prefer my entertainment to, on the whole, be challenging and engaging...but I sure can help flat-out refusing to look for the good in mindless entertainment, and I think I'll be a happier person overall for it.

So, today, I decided I'd either dig out my old Hootie CDs (still have them somewhere) or just download them. Ended up going to download them. I entered the band name in the search bar of my favourite pirating system and the first result was called something like "Top 250 Hits of the 90s." Hmm. I read through the song list and saw a bunch of songs I haven't heard in years...even music I would be embarrassed to be caught listening to now. Or, at least, would've been embarrassed to be listening to before yesterday.

It's fantastic. I'm 30-something songs into it and am listening to Counting Crows - "Mr. Jones" at the moment. I always had something against the song for some reason, but I'm enjoying it now! Other highlights that made me smile:

Seal - "Kiss From A Rose"
Everything But The Girl - "Missing"
Boyz II Men - "Water Runs Dry"
Suzanne Vega - "Tom's Diner"
Dishwalla - "Counting Blue Cars"

All of these songs are bringing back some great memories!

I watched the Karate Kid remake tonight and really had to fight to not rip it to shreds. First of all, having grown up watching the originals, I'm naturally biased against a remake. The one thing I couldn't get over was the film's title... there was no karate! The acting was generally pretty terrible... BUT! I did find some enjoyment in the fight scenes and liked the music the little girl played. One of my flatmates commented that it'd have been one of his favourite movies had he seen it when he was 8 or 9. I viewed it from that perspective, and sure, I can see it. That helped put a positive spin on the overall experience.

This won't be easy for me anytime soon, but I'm tired of being an outsider of sorts. I gave "House" a shot a little while ago, but ahhh, the guy's too big of a jerk for my taste. Immediately following it, however, I let myself laugh at Family Guy which was almost like Jesus coming back and announcing that God doesn't exist. Shocking. Terribly shocking.

All of this is kind of a personal fix for my anxiety issues. I don't reckon it could hurt. haha!

Exam season

...begins now!

I have one this Thursday, one next Monday, and then another the following Monday. Finals start precisely one week from my last regular exam. I've got one per day Monday - Thursday...and then freedom!

The speed with which this term has passed is beyond my comprehension at this point. Perhaps it's that whole "the closer to the end, the faster it goes" idea so commonly used as a point of common ground between life and toilet paper.

Ah, the results of my ADHD testing are in:

It isn't ADHD, but anxiety. My psychologist has formulated a plan to help me sidestep this business and get back to making A's again. I'm incredibly hopeful and feel that the hardest part of the process is now over. Sure, I'm going to fight with it and will fail often, but I'll be winning more battles than I am presently.

In other news, it seems like I've been catching the eye of a few young women lately...becoming a daily occurrence. Today, a woman was flat-out staring at me as I walked by. She was pretty attractive. I just didn't know what to say that wouldn't sound cheesy. "Hi," probably would have worked. I'll have to keep that in mind.

Football (proper football...soccer) is going along nicely! My teams are doing alright. Sweden vs. Germany tomorrow! Hopefully I'll get a chance to watch it, or download it later. Still have the Stoke City vs. Liverpool game from Saturday to watch. Pulling for Stoke City.

Back to the books it is for me.

The upswing

It definitely seems as though no intimate relationship will be forming between me and the young lady spoken of in the last entry. I've made no further advances, but now she's flat-out ignoring me. Let it not be said that I can't pick 'em.

Yesterday was bizarre. I was still wallowing in the gutter most of the morning, but the noon hour brought some surprises...err, well, just one, but it was huge...for me, anyway. After purchasing lunch in the union, I was on my way up to a favourite study spot and happened to run into a friend. We swapped exam nightmares for a bit and as I was about to make my way to my destination, a lovely blonde who'd been eating by herself stood up and gathered her things to leave. A cute one she was, indeed. No eye contact was made...blah.

But...she made it a point to exit through the doors nearest to me, rather than the more conveniently located ones. I looked, our eyes met, and she smiled. There I stood, dumbfounded. This woman was gorgeous...and she smiled at me, out of the blue. "Stop her...say something...go, go, go!" but nothing came out. I was at a complete loss for words.

I stood there for a while, mouth agape. My friend witnessed it and was having a similar reaction. Wow. When I parted ways with him, I scanned around for her elsewhere in the union but she was long gone, possibly to never be seen again.

It did wonders for my mood, though.

Then, a favourite football team (CSKA Moscow) decimated Palermo 3-1. It's the little things that help the most.

The rest of the day was uneventful, but I began to put things back into perspective and climb back in the steamroller so as to squash those items ahead of me which are causing me worry. Can't wait to get an answer next week...major, major source of anxiety and stress at the moment.

Junk

I've known a woman for a while now. She was interested in me, but my sights were set elsewhere at the time. It seemed like she never really backed off and I recently became very interested.

She's backed off. Way off, apparently. Luckily, I've saved myself the embarrassment of making her tell me so, but still. It almost hurts a little more this way.

While I'm in the midst of stressing out about everything else under the sun (MCAT, applying to med school, this, that, and the other...), this is just one more thing to make me throw my hands up and yell, "Yeaaaahhh, why not? What else can not go my way right now?"

Feeling really lonely. Just about convinced I'll be a lonely man for the rest of my days.Anxious about my ADHD testing results (next week brings the results). Tired of my classes. Ready for a break. Ready for something new. Ready to go.