Sunday, March 27, 2011

Still struggling mightily with focusing on the positives things in life and downplaying the negatives... I don't know why, as the positives exceed the negatives by a wide margin.

I've been working on starting and ending each day putting myself in a peaceful state and making a list of five pleasant things in my life. I'm usually good for an hour or two in the morning, until I let one thing or another wreck it all. It's almost like I jump at the chance to be negative.

I got very jealous when some of my friends announced their acceptance into various medical schools. I don't really feel the life of an MD is the one for me anymore, but I'm somehow using it as a measure of accomplishment. I'm tremendously happy for them, don't get me wrong!

I have tried to examine the things I truly want and hope for and have compiled the following list. If I can accomplish these, I'll feel pretty good about things.

1. Marry the love of my life
2. Produce a few children
3. Golf every weekend, especially with my kids when they're old enough
4. Take my grandkids golfing often
5. Celebrate my 50-year wedding anniversary

And there you have it.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Halfway through another semester and I can hardly believe it. Soon, fall term will be rolling around again, and aside from biochem i&ii looming on the horizon, I'm pretty excited. There are some wonderful electives being offered and I'm thankful for the opportunity to take them!

Not sure if I've made mention of it in the past, but for most of last term and half of this one, I'd been seeing a therapist. It started out trying to cope with the academic issues I was facing and turned into a whole examination of my life. I've learned a lot, and am learning even more now that I've made the transition to group therapy. It's crazy. I actually really enjoy it and leave each time feeling like a million bucks.

One of the best things that has happened as a result of my seeking therapy is that I'm, for the very first time in my 28 years, exploring my self-worth. It's always been dependent on the reaction of others to me, but now I'm seeing that it's got to come from within.

Using this new-found love for myself, I hope to be better able to deal with the inevitable failures and hard times that lie ahead. All I've known to do until this point is to be hard on myself about whatever misfortune I was experiencing. I think this change will lead to a happier, less stressful existence. My relationships with others will surely benefit, and I'm very excited for that, as well.

There have been some young ladies in my life recently... Two simultaneously, to be specific. Heavy flirtation with both, but no dates... Yet. I like one better than the other, partly to do with physical appearance. She has blue eyes like you would not believe. The other woman is someone with whom I come into contact more frequently. She feels like the safer choice in a way, as in possibly more of the kind of girl for the long haul. I should be all over that. That's what I want... But I'm a little scared. Also a little excited by the relative air of excitement from the other one. Hmm.

Spring break is days away. Golfing will take priority over everything. Can't wait.

Hopefully I'll get back in the routine of this again and have a lot of good things to speak of. Time will tell!