Monday, August 16, 2010

There comes a time

My  dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,

My return to Big City Hospital has been better than I thought it would be, but the magic and the excitement and my desire to be there as an employee have all slipped out through the back and are waiting for me to catch up in some destination unknown. Consider my two weeks notice to have been formally submitted.

Perhaps it's a mistake, and one that I'll regret greatly in the coming months and years, but this is what my heart says to do.

Some of the nurses weren't too happy, most didn't care (or didn't have time to). The idea of coming back as a volunteer was suggested by a few of them. I might do that...stay in the hospital environment, but only for a few hours one day a week. This will free up plenty of time to focus on my studies, decrease my overall stress level, and afford me the opportunity to still spend time with the nurses with whom I've forged a bit of a friendship.

We'll see. I'm still back and forth on having a medical career, and to what capacity.

Also, those who oversaw my management of the event I failed to organise all approached me recently and asked that I give it another go, but with several months extra to work on it. The realisation that the event would not be anything near the capacity to which I'd aspired was a crushing blow several months ago. Things have changed and I don't know if I feel the same passion for some particular areas of the project. I want to go through with it, but I don't know if I'll have the kind of people I need to  make happen.

Furthermore, Old Flame's wedding is almost here. My desire to go is slightly above my desire to wake and find a bald spot upon my head. She's my friend, I'm happy, etc...but ahh. It could've been us. I'm glad that it isn't...yes, finally glad... but ahh. Plus, her family members make me squirm with their high society airs. I guess the upside is that there will be plenty of women around and I'm at my best in a suit and tie. Ah, I don't know.

That's what it comes down to, all over again.

I just don't know.

I just need a little hint of what I should be doing, what decisions I should be making, what I should focus on and what I should let fall to the side.

Maybe I don't need any of that. Maybe what I need is to shut up, keep my eyes open, and press on.

May the grace of He keep you always,

J.O. Morris

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