Yesterday, despite today's exam hanging over my head, was one of the nicest days I've had in recent memory. In between studying, I found time to watch two films with my favourite of this year's flatmates. We later had a conversation lasting several hours that was full of all kinds of 90s nostalgia.
Before I went to bed, the urge to listen to Hootie & the Blowfish overwhelmed me. It rather came out of nowhere, and I very nearly side-stepped indulging myself.
So glad I went through with it.
I looked up "Only Wanna Be With You" on Youtube and remembered watching the goofy video when it was all the rage on MTV years and years ago. It's actually a nice little song, and I don't care what anybody says. There was a link to "Hold My Hand," which was my favourite of their songs... as I was listening to it, I thought a lot about the negative, judgemental, and stifled way with which I've conducted myself since my mid-teens, especially as it relates to any form of art. I'm a terrible film snob, and pretty snobby about music and television, as well.
I can't really help that I prefer my entertainment to, on the whole, be challenging and engaging...but I sure can help flat-out refusing to look for the good in mindless entertainment, and I think I'll be a happier person overall for it.
So, today, I decided I'd either dig out my old Hootie CDs (still have them somewhere) or just download them. Ended up going to download them. I entered the band name in the search bar of my favourite pirating system and the first result was called something like "Top 250 Hits of the 90s." Hmm. I read through the song list and saw a bunch of songs I haven't heard in years...even music I would be embarrassed to be caught listening to now. Or, at least, would've been embarrassed to be listening to before yesterday.
It's fantastic. I'm 30-something songs into it and am listening to Counting Crows - "Mr. Jones" at the moment. I always had something against the song for some reason, but I'm enjoying it now! Other highlights that made me smile:
Seal - "Kiss From A Rose"
Everything But The Girl - "Missing"
Boyz II Men - "Water Runs Dry"
Suzanne Vega - "Tom's Diner"
Dishwalla - "Counting Blue Cars"
All of these songs are bringing back some great memories!
I watched the Karate Kid remake tonight and really had to fight to not rip it to shreds. First of all, having grown up watching the originals, I'm naturally biased against a remake. The one thing I couldn't get over was the film's title... there was no karate! The acting was generally pretty terrible... BUT! I did find some enjoyment in the fight scenes and liked the music the little girl played. One of my flatmates commented that it'd have been one of his favourite movies had he seen it when he was 8 or 9. I viewed it from that perspective, and sure, I can see it. That helped put a positive spin on the overall experience.
This won't be easy for me anytime soon, but I'm tired of being an outsider of sorts. I gave "House" a shot a little while ago, but ahhh, the guy's too big of a jerk for my taste. Immediately following it, however, I let myself laugh at Family Guy which was almost like Jesus coming back and announcing that God doesn't exist. Shocking. Terribly shocking.
All of this is kind of a personal fix for my anxiety issues. I don't reckon it could hurt. haha!
Showing posts with label Misc.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Misc.. Show all posts
Monday, November 22, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Exam season
...begins now!
I have one this Thursday, one next Monday, and then another the following Monday. Finals start precisely one week from my last regular exam. I've got one per day Monday - Thursday...and then freedom!
The speed with which this term has passed is beyond my comprehension at this point. Perhaps it's that whole "the closer to the end, the faster it goes" idea so commonly used as a point of common ground between life and toilet paper.
Ah, the results of my ADHD testing are in:
It isn't ADHD, but anxiety. My psychologist has formulated a plan to help me sidestep this business and get back to making A's again. I'm incredibly hopeful and feel that the hardest part of the process is now over. Sure, I'm going to fight with it and will fail often, but I'll be winning more battles than I am presently.
In other news, it seems like I've been catching the eye of a few young women lately...becoming a daily occurrence. Today, a woman was flat-out staring at me as I walked by. She was pretty attractive. I just didn't know what to say that wouldn't sound cheesy. "Hi," probably would have worked. I'll have to keep that in mind.
Football (proper football...soccer) is going along nicely! My teams are doing alright. Sweden vs. Germany tomorrow! Hopefully I'll get a chance to watch it, or download it later. Still have the Stoke City vs. Liverpool game from Saturday to watch. Pulling for Stoke City.
Back to the books it is for me.
I have one this Thursday, one next Monday, and then another the following Monday. Finals start precisely one week from my last regular exam. I've got one per day Monday - Thursday...and then freedom!
The speed with which this term has passed is beyond my comprehension at this point. Perhaps it's that whole "the closer to the end, the faster it goes" idea so commonly used as a point of common ground between life and toilet paper.
Ah, the results of my ADHD testing are in:
It isn't ADHD, but anxiety. My psychologist has formulated a plan to help me sidestep this business and get back to making A's again. I'm incredibly hopeful and feel that the hardest part of the process is now over. Sure, I'm going to fight with it and will fail often, but I'll be winning more battles than I am presently.
In other news, it seems like I've been catching the eye of a few young women lately...becoming a daily occurrence. Today, a woman was flat-out staring at me as I walked by. She was pretty attractive. I just didn't know what to say that wouldn't sound cheesy. "Hi," probably would have worked. I'll have to keep that in mind.
Football (proper football...soccer) is going along nicely! My teams are doing alright. Sweden vs. Germany tomorrow! Hopefully I'll get a chance to watch it, or download it later. Still have the Stoke City vs. Liverpool game from Saturday to watch. Pulling for Stoke City.
Back to the books it is for me.
Friday, November 5, 2010
The upswing
It definitely seems as though no intimate relationship will be forming between me and the young lady spoken of in the last entry. I've made no further advances, but now she's flat-out ignoring me. Let it not be said that I can't pick 'em.
Yesterday was bizarre. I was still wallowing in the gutter most of the morning, but the noon hour brought some surprises...err, well, just one, but it was huge...for me, anyway. After purchasing lunch in the union, I was on my way up to a favourite study spot and happened to run into a friend. We swapped exam nightmares for a bit and as I was about to make my way to my destination, a lovely blonde who'd been eating by herself stood up and gathered her things to leave. A cute one she was, indeed. No eye contact was made...blah.
But...she made it a point to exit through the doors nearest to me, rather than the more conveniently located ones. I looked, our eyes met, and she smiled. There I stood, dumbfounded. This woman was gorgeous...and she smiled at me, out of the blue. "Stop her...say something...go, go, go!" but nothing came out. I was at a complete loss for words.
I stood there for a while, mouth agape. My friend witnessed it and was having a similar reaction. Wow. When I parted ways with him, I scanned around for her elsewhere in the union but she was long gone, possibly to never be seen again.
It did wonders for my mood, though.
Then, a favourite football team (CSKA Moscow) decimated Palermo 3-1. It's the little things that help the most.
The rest of the day was uneventful, but I began to put things back into perspective and climb back in the steamroller so as to squash those items ahead of me which are causing me worry. Can't wait to get an answer next week...major, major source of anxiety and stress at the moment.
Yesterday was bizarre. I was still wallowing in the gutter most of the morning, but the noon hour brought some surprises...err, well, just one, but it was huge...for me, anyway. After purchasing lunch in the union, I was on my way up to a favourite study spot and happened to run into a friend. We swapped exam nightmares for a bit and as I was about to make my way to my destination, a lovely blonde who'd been eating by herself stood up and gathered her things to leave. A cute one she was, indeed. No eye contact was made...blah.
But...she made it a point to exit through the doors nearest to me, rather than the more conveniently located ones. I looked, our eyes met, and she smiled. There I stood, dumbfounded. This woman was gorgeous...and she smiled at me, out of the blue. "Stop her...say something...go, go, go!" but nothing came out. I was at a complete loss for words.
I stood there for a while, mouth agape. My friend witnessed it and was having a similar reaction. Wow. When I parted ways with him, I scanned around for her elsewhere in the union but she was long gone, possibly to never be seen again.
It did wonders for my mood, though.
Then, a favourite football team (CSKA Moscow) decimated Palermo 3-1. It's the little things that help the most.
The rest of the day was uneventful, but I began to put things back into perspective and climb back in the steamroller so as to squash those items ahead of me which are causing me worry. Can't wait to get an answer next week...major, major source of anxiety and stress at the moment.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Junk
I've known a woman for a while now. She was interested in me, but my sights were set elsewhere at the time. It seemed like she never really backed off and I recently became very interested.
She's backed off. Way off, apparently. Luckily, I've saved myself the embarrassment of making her tell me so, but still. It almost hurts a little more this way.
While I'm in the midst of stressing out about everything else under the sun (MCAT, applying to med school, this, that, and the other...), this is just one more thing to make me throw my hands up and yell, "Yeaaaahhh, why not? What else can not go my way right now?"
Feeling really lonely. Just about convinced I'll be a lonely man for the rest of my days.Anxious about my ADHD testing results (next week brings the results). Tired of my classes. Ready for a break. Ready for something new. Ready to go.
She's backed off. Way off, apparently. Luckily, I've saved myself the embarrassment of making her tell me so, but still. It almost hurts a little more this way.
While I'm in the midst of stressing out about everything else under the sun (MCAT, applying to med school, this, that, and the other...), this is just one more thing to make me throw my hands up and yell, "Yeaaaahhh, why not? What else can not go my way right now?"
Feeling really lonely. Just about convinced I'll be a lonely man for the rest of my days.Anxious about my ADHD testing results (next week brings the results). Tired of my classes. Ready for a break. Ready for something new. Ready to go.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Things
- Haven't had to resort to studying in the bathroom since last weekend.
- Was below the curve again for one of my exams...oh, wonderful. Feel I did okay on the other; won't know until next week, maybe. One more to take next week.
- Won't know the results of my ADHD evaluation for three agonising weeks.
- I've taken to studying to the sounds of nature...found a bunch of mp3s of birds carrying on, ocean waves crashing, etc. It's quite lovely and almost makes me forget that I'm locked away indoors. Bird songs do wonders for my emotional state. haha
- Couldn't turn up for volunteering this week due to having been a bit under the weather in the latter half of the week.
- Rediscovered Mock the Week on Youtube and spent my last waking hour Thursday night watching clips of the "Things..." segment. Frankie Boyle, Hugh Dennis, and Milton Jones crack me up like few others can.
- Briefly, yet seriously, considered abandoning my current degree and taking back up with being an art major. Physics II is my last required class for med school, and I'll complete that in the spring. Oh, temptation. Money is a factor that severely inhibits my ability to jump ship. Only three semesters stand between me and graduation.
- Had a great time playing (getting destroyed in) FIFA on the xbox with my flatmates last night. Competition was fierce!
- I've begun organising my Christmas break schedule. I'll hopefully get in to shadow in the ER for the duration of the break. I'll begin my MCAT prep...and if finances allow, I'll take a wee roadtrip with my flatmates!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Josiah the report-writer
I'm required to produce a report for tomorrow morning's lab. My progress thus far is outlined below:
12:45-ish p.m.: Computer on, Word open, let's do this.
12:50 p.m.: Title page and opening sentence written.
12:55 p.m. Checking email
1:00 p.m.: Facebook
1:20 p.m.: Typing and erasing a second sentence.
1:22 p.m.: "I should change my desktop wallpaper to something nice and autumn-like!"
1:40 p.m.: Facebook
1:45 p.m.: Glanced at report
1:46 p.m.: "I need new shoes." Resisted urge to visit various online shoe dealerships.
1:50 p.m.: Finished large mug of coffee
1:51 p.m.: "I'm going to get this report finished by 4 p.m."
1:55 p.m.: Facebook
2:05 p.m.: "I've wasted over an hour already." Feeling antsy. Wanting to do anything and everything not related to science. Looked longingly at unfinished painting... logged in here to write about my procrastination.
Now, for real, I'm going to get. this. business. DONE.
12:45-ish p.m.: Computer on, Word open, let's do this.
12:50 p.m.: Title page and opening sentence written.
12:55 p.m. Checking email
1:00 p.m.: Facebook
1:20 p.m.: Typing and erasing a second sentence.
1:22 p.m.: "I should change my desktop wallpaper to something nice and autumn-like!"
1:40 p.m.: Facebook
1:45 p.m.: Glanced at report
1:46 p.m.: "I need new shoes." Resisted urge to visit various online shoe dealerships.
1:50 p.m.: Finished large mug of coffee
1:51 p.m.: "I'm going to get this report finished by 4 p.m."
1:55 p.m.: Facebook
2:05 p.m.: "I've wasted over an hour already." Feeling antsy. Wanting to do anything and everything not related to science. Looked longingly at unfinished painting... logged in here to write about my procrastination.
Now, for real, I'm going to get. this. business. DONE.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Today at Big City Hospital
I walked out of Big City Hospital today with dozens of sincere "Thank you"s reverberating around in my head and feeling as though I really brought some good into the world. Furthermore, I impressed the pants off of a teaching doc by performing a simple act of courtesy.
All of this was proof that it's the simple things that oftentimes matter most.
All of this was proof that it's the simple things that oftentimes matter most.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Feels like starting over
My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,
This week marked my last day as an employee of Big City Hospital. Not much else to say, except that I start tomorrow as a volunteer. I'll be in the same department and everything, so the change isn't going to be too terribly apparent. The exclusion of a paycheck isn't so hot, but massively shorter hours and less responsibility (freeing me up to witness procedures and such) sounds lovely.
Having completed my first week of classes, I feel a bit exhausted physically and mentally. My molecular biology class is downright devilish, but alarmingly interesting. Never thought I'd live to see the day something like that came from my lips. Microbiology was always a bit more my speed. Hm!
One startling bit of news was delivered this week. I'd written an email to a medical student in which I, among other things, talked about how my university career is going so far (not good enough to get into medical school). I listed a number of factors that I feel contributed to my poor showing, and expressed a little frustration that I'd worked like a dog in some classes but still failed to produce an A or a B. The response I received knocked me for a loop.
She said that I expressed a lot of characteristics of having ADHD. She knows, because she has it.
I was skeptical at first. As we discussed the matter further, I began to see it as a real possibility. A lot of things certainly match up. I got a little excited, realising that this could be the starting point for a new direction in my life. I certainly know I have the intelligence and the potential to do well, but I've been having a hard time following through with it in recent years. With a little help, I could realise my potential and who knows how far I'd go.
With a bit of fear, a bit of embarrassment, and a bit of eagerness, I went to the university counseling center and scheduled an appointment to talk with someone about this and to see if I can go through a proper evaluation and such.
Even if I haven't got ADHD, I do have some sort of problem that needs sorting out, and I feel like I'm reclaiming a little of my life with this first step.
Who'd have ever seen that coming?
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
This week marked my last day as an employee of Big City Hospital. Not much else to say, except that I start tomorrow as a volunteer. I'll be in the same department and everything, so the change isn't going to be too terribly apparent. The exclusion of a paycheck isn't so hot, but massively shorter hours and less responsibility (freeing me up to witness procedures and such) sounds lovely.
Having completed my first week of classes, I feel a bit exhausted physically and mentally. My molecular biology class is downright devilish, but alarmingly interesting. Never thought I'd live to see the day something like that came from my lips. Microbiology was always a bit more my speed. Hm!
One startling bit of news was delivered this week. I'd written an email to a medical student in which I, among other things, talked about how my university career is going so far (not good enough to get into medical school). I listed a number of factors that I feel contributed to my poor showing, and expressed a little frustration that I'd worked like a dog in some classes but still failed to produce an A or a B. The response I received knocked me for a loop.
She said that I expressed a lot of characteristics of having ADHD. She knows, because she has it.
I was skeptical at first. As we discussed the matter further, I began to see it as a real possibility. A lot of things certainly match up. I got a little excited, realising that this could be the starting point for a new direction in my life. I certainly know I have the intelligence and the potential to do well, but I've been having a hard time following through with it in recent years. With a little help, I could realise my potential and who knows how far I'd go.
With a bit of fear, a bit of embarrassment, and a bit of eagerness, I went to the university counseling center and scheduled an appointment to talk with someone about this and to see if I can go through a proper evaluation and such.
Even if I haven't got ADHD, I do have some sort of problem that needs sorting out, and I feel like I'm reclaiming a little of my life with this first step.
Who'd have ever seen that coming?
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The psychology behind getting rip-roarin' drunk
In times of extreme emotional instability, while not the healthiest avenue down which to travel by any means, I can understand why someone would drink themselves stupid. Furthermore, I can also understand someone with little to no experience with alcohol drinking far too much, as they haven't got any feel for their limitations.
What I do not understand, at all, is why people (especially groups of guys) want to congregate and drink until the point of passing out...or why they plan these events with such enthusiasm. Bro, we're going to get soooo waaaasted!
Logically, incapacitating oneself so severely should be among the last items on life's to-do list.
Some of ERP's latest blog entries deal with "partying" (a name for that activity that I always found to be so cheesy and silly-sounding), and Party Boy II made a comment to Party Boy I on Facebook about them getting all effed up when they reunite over Christmas break, which brought this on. It's something that I think about from time to time, but this holy collection of events all but told me that this post needed to be made.
Having a few drinks and getting silly is one thing (and an enjoyable thing, at that), but to take it to such an extreme... I never have understood.
I must admit that I am grateful for that behaviour on some level, though. It sure makes for great med blog posts.
What I do not understand, at all, is why people (especially groups of guys) want to congregate and drink until the point of passing out...or why they plan these events with such enthusiasm. Bro, we're going to get soooo waaaasted!
Logically, incapacitating oneself so severely should be among the last items on life's to-do list.
Some of ERP's latest blog entries deal with "partying" (a name for that activity that I always found to be so cheesy and silly-sounding), and Party Boy II made a comment to Party Boy I on Facebook about them getting all effed up when they reunite over Christmas break, which brought this on. It's something that I think about from time to time, but this holy collection of events all but told me that this post needed to be made.
Having a few drinks and getting silly is one thing (and an enjoyable thing, at that), but to take it to such an extreme... I never have understood.
I must admit that I am grateful for that behaviour on some level, though. It sure makes for great med blog posts.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Lucky charms
 |
| Ceci n'est pas une Josiah. |
I've never been the kind of person who went much in to superstitions and whathaveyou, but one thing did emerge during mid-2009.
It seems as though I acquired a "lucky" pair of underpants.
As a child, many times did I hear tell of people having "lucky" items, such as pennies, a rabbit's foot, four-leaf clovers, as well as a wide variety of other interesting, and sometimes comical, items. There were several points in my early life in which I decided that I, too, should have some lucky article. I had a couple of lucky pennies, and somehow ended up with a rabbit's foot keychain when I was around 7 or 8.
What good fortune did any of those items ever bring?
None.
So, for many years, I went through my life never so much as giving a thought to anything of that sort... that is, of course, until somewhere around June 2009.
I'd purchased myself a new package of underwear...and there was a bonus pair included. Lovely colours (solid), quite soft and agreeable to the most sensitive of areas. Ahh yes, money well spent. Whilst folding the laundry after the first washing of these new drawers, I noticed one of the new pairs. Light blue. A baby blue, even. That's always been a favourite colour. Don't reckon I'd ever owned a pair of similar hue. Exciting times. Cause for celebration, Carnival style.
Now, the next part of this story is a bit cloudy to me. Although I'm no longer sure of precisely what transpired on the day I first donned those magical underpants, besides taking constant note of how wonderfully they fit, I do know that it was fantastic. So fantastic that, when I was removing them, I made an immediate connection between my good fortune and my underwear.
A charm was born.
From then on, any time something big was coming up, I'd be sure that my bearers of brilliant luck would be clean and ready for wear. I wore them on test days, I wore them when I was likely to encounter desirable women on a Friday night, I wore them to my interview and to my first day at Big City Hospital, and on my first day at my new university...which, incidentally, is what brings me to tell this tale.
Yes, on that day nearly one year ago, my first day on campus brought many delights of the female variety. I met many attractive and intelligent young women that day and felt like I'd hit the jackpot. Of course, I learned over time that all of them were too young and/or already dating someone, but the fact of the matter remains that I'd met more girls in one day than I had in the last 6 months back home.
So, this afternoon as I was folding laundry, it just so happened that the ol' baby blues ended up being the last pair in the pile. Primed and ready to go for tomorrow, they are, which shall hopefully be even half as successful as the previous year. I'm crossing my fingers, looking out through the window for shooting stars...
That was it?
My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,
Well. The ceremony was lovely.
And she.
Looked.
Amazing.
Almost better than I'd ever seen her. Once, on the best New Year's Eve of my life, she looked better...but the circumstances had something to do with that.
I scanned the church for attractive women as we were shuffling out and off to the reception, but came up rather empty. There were two women who seemed like they were nice, but boyfriends/husbands/whathaveyou entered the picture.
I'd thought that something like this might happen. The very thing that dragged my carcass in there with a big grin on my face...nowhere to be found. I have to laugh. This is my luck. I can't even meet women at a wedding!
The reception went just about how I'd imagined it would go. Her stuffy relatives either ignored me completely, even after making eye contact, or were very short with me. Excellent! Her mom was in full swing in her role as Ms. Socialite, bragging about this, that, and the other.
I found one of Old Flame's sister's friends to talk to, and that turned out to be really nice. Yeah, she's married. Wouldn't be terribly interested if the situation were different, though. I saw some other people I used to know through Old Flame that I really liked and we had a good, but short, series of conversations.
Old Flame and I only spoke for 2 minutes at the most before someone interrupted. Her husband stuck around for less than 20 seconds, no exaggeration. Fantastic. At least I made the sincere effort!
The best part of the whole ordeal was being introduced to a friend of Old Flame's mom. The guy seriously shakes my hand, eyes me up and down, and walks off. Just like that. Wouldn't even make eye contact with me for the rest of the time I was there.
I am so incredibly glad that it was not me inheriting that mess today!
So, Ol' Josiah rolls on.
Maybe this, finally, will close this sordid chapter of my life.
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
Well. The ceremony was lovely.
And she.
Looked.
Amazing.
Almost better than I'd ever seen her. Once, on the best New Year's Eve of my life, she looked better...but the circumstances had something to do with that.
I scanned the church for attractive women as we were shuffling out and off to the reception, but came up rather empty. There were two women who seemed like they were nice, but boyfriends/husbands/whathaveyou entered the picture.
I'd thought that something like this might happen. The very thing that dragged my carcass in there with a big grin on my face...nowhere to be found. I have to laugh. This is my luck. I can't even meet women at a wedding!
The reception went just about how I'd imagined it would go. Her stuffy relatives either ignored me completely, even after making eye contact, or were very short with me. Excellent! Her mom was in full swing in her role as Ms. Socialite, bragging about this, that, and the other.
I found one of Old Flame's sister's friends to talk to, and that turned out to be really nice. Yeah, she's married. Wouldn't be terribly interested if the situation were different, though. I saw some other people I used to know through Old Flame that I really liked and we had a good, but short, series of conversations.
Old Flame and I only spoke for 2 minutes at the most before someone interrupted. Her husband stuck around for less than 20 seconds, no exaggeration. Fantastic. At least I made the sincere effort!
The best part of the whole ordeal was being introduced to a friend of Old Flame's mom. The guy seriously shakes my hand, eyes me up and down, and walks off. Just like that. Wouldn't even make eye contact with me for the rest of the time I was there.
I am so incredibly glad that it was not me inheriting that mess today!
So, Ol' Josiah rolls on.
Maybe this, finally, will close this sordid chapter of my life.
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
Saturday, August 21, 2010
This is it
My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,
Today's the day. Old Flame will be Mrs. So-and-so in a few hours. I woke up yesterday morning depressed at the idea, and can't honestly say that today is much better. I did a lot of thinking about it last night before falling asleep, and it's got to be that I still wish things were as good as they were for a certain period of time. No better adjective comes to mind than, "magical." The whole affair was from way out of left field, completely caught me by surprise, knocked me for a loop, and so on and so forth. She was the funniest, sweetest, most compassionate, and certainly, most beautiful woman I'd ever met. Things were absolutely brilliant.
For a period of time.
Then she cooled off a bit. Then things were normal. Then she'd cool off again. Over and over. I knew she had a whole bundle of stress in her life, what with her family and some things in her past, so I tried not to pressure her or pry.
I was going nuts. A real miserable wreck during the down times.
I should've broken it off, but I was afraid that my doing so wouldn't make things any better. There was the distinct feeling of being stuck against the wall, nowhere to go. All I could do was wait for the good times to come round again...maybe make my break then.
But who was I kidding? Each time things were back to normal, I convinced myself somehow that they'd always be normal from then on. No more of this cyclic stuff, she's off that.
Wrong, each and every time.
She's the one who ended it, after three or so years of madness and ecstasy...never simultaneously. She reeled me back in briefly not long after, but then swatted me upside the head with the news she'd been seeing someone else.
It took a long time...a very long time...to get over that. In fact, it wasn't until sometime in the last 3 months or so.
We've stayed in contact, still good friends...we have a lot of the great conversations along the lines of what we used to have, but the sparkle in her eyes is diminished. It's kind of similar to a re-rerun of "Good Times." First time was brilliant, second time was still pretty good...but the third time, there's nothing there. It's flat and void of originality and life.
I've only met the guy she's marrying a handful of times. I liked him alright, I guess. He's a little whiny and has some questionable items in his past, but whatever. I'm not marrying the fool, and with the way things have been the last couple of months, it doesn't look like I'll be hearing much about him either. She's been far more out of contact than she has been in the past. Probably for the best, really.
So, in a few short hours, I'll put on my best suit and make the drive back my old hometown. I'll sit in a beautiful church, surrounded by loads of stuffy society types, and let this thing blow on through. Maybe during the reception I'll meet a nice, eligible woman and we'll sneak off to some little restaurant and lay the foundation for something beautiful.
Or, Old Flame will introduce me to a few who are somewhere in the vicinity of less-than-desirable, and announce to them that I want to be a doctor. The talons will dig in and I'll have to concoct some calculated and daring escape.
Or, better yet, all the women will be astounding and Old Flame will provide proper introductions, but they'll sense that I'm not from a family of billionaires and turn their noses up. haw haw haw.
Whatever. I just want it to be over and done with quickly and come back home. Classes resume Monday, so I've got far more important things with which I should be concerning myself.
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
Today's the day. Old Flame will be Mrs. So-and-so in a few hours. I woke up yesterday morning depressed at the idea, and can't honestly say that today is much better. I did a lot of thinking about it last night before falling asleep, and it's got to be that I still wish things were as good as they were for a certain period of time. No better adjective comes to mind than, "magical." The whole affair was from way out of left field, completely caught me by surprise, knocked me for a loop, and so on and so forth. She was the funniest, sweetest, most compassionate, and certainly, most beautiful woman I'd ever met. Things were absolutely brilliant.
For a period of time.
Then she cooled off a bit. Then things were normal. Then she'd cool off again. Over and over. I knew she had a whole bundle of stress in her life, what with her family and some things in her past, so I tried not to pressure her or pry.
I was going nuts. A real miserable wreck during the down times.
I should've broken it off, but I was afraid that my doing so wouldn't make things any better. There was the distinct feeling of being stuck against the wall, nowhere to go. All I could do was wait for the good times to come round again...maybe make my break then.
But who was I kidding? Each time things were back to normal, I convinced myself somehow that they'd always be normal from then on. No more of this cyclic stuff, she's off that.
Wrong, each and every time.
She's the one who ended it, after three or so years of madness and ecstasy...never simultaneously. She reeled me back in briefly not long after, but then swatted me upside the head with the news she'd been seeing someone else.
It took a long time...a very long time...to get over that. In fact, it wasn't until sometime in the last 3 months or so.
We've stayed in contact, still good friends...we have a lot of the great conversations along the lines of what we used to have, but the sparkle in her eyes is diminished. It's kind of similar to a re-rerun of "Good Times." First time was brilliant, second time was still pretty good...but the third time, there's nothing there. It's flat and void of originality and life.
I've only met the guy she's marrying a handful of times. I liked him alright, I guess. He's a little whiny and has some questionable items in his past, but whatever. I'm not marrying the fool, and with the way things have been the last couple of months, it doesn't look like I'll be hearing much about him either. She's been far more out of contact than she has been in the past. Probably for the best, really.
So, in a few short hours, I'll put on my best suit and make the drive back my old hometown. I'll sit in a beautiful church, surrounded by loads of stuffy society types, and let this thing blow on through. Maybe during the reception I'll meet a nice, eligible woman and we'll sneak off to some little restaurant and lay the foundation for something beautiful.
Or, Old Flame will introduce me to a few who are somewhere in the vicinity of less-than-desirable, and announce to them that I want to be a doctor. The talons will dig in and I'll have to concoct some calculated and daring escape.
Or, better yet, all the women will be astounding and Old Flame will provide proper introductions, but they'll sense that I'm not from a family of billionaires and turn their noses up. haw haw haw.
Whatever. I just want it to be over and done with quickly and come back home. Classes resume Monday, so I've got far more important things with which I should be concerning myself.
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Getting better all the time
My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,
I packed my things and returned to my apartment Monday evening, only to find that the locks had been changed. Thirty minutes later, I had the new key and began hauling things in... and found that one of my new flatmates was present.
Turns out to be Grad Student! We got on famously and spent the next five, yes five, hours talking about a variety of subjects. It felt so good to have a flatmate with whom I could converse about world matters and who perfectly understands the need for quiet and a reasonable amount of order. He's incredibly polite and, at 2 a.m. when we decided to call it a night, he mentioned he'd stay up a bit and watch television...and wanted to know if the volume was low enough so as not to disturb me! It was an incredible moment, after living with inconsiderate animals for a year.
As I prepared for bed, I noticed that I was feeling a little ill. Perhaps it was due to not eating enough... I got a granola bar and forced myself to take two measly bites. Nope, hunger is not the culprit here. I felt incredibly nauseous...and worse. Oh, my.
I submitted to the first wave of illness around 2:40 a.m. At 3 a.m., noticing Grad Student was still awake, I knocked on his door and explained the situation. I asked if he'd mind running down the street to get some crackers and Gatorade, my go-to food products during times of illness. He was all too happy to go, and I expressed my gratitude a million times over.
Barely 30 minutes would go by and I'd have to visit the facilities to carry out two of my least favourite activities. I was completely miserable, beyond any awful feeling I'd experienced previously. What a nightmare.
Things very slowly improved throughout the day Tuesday, but I was surely not without copious amounts of misery. After procuring some medication to settle the stomach, as well as some ginger ale, soup, and so on, thanks to my lovely mother, I was in far better shape. I slept for nearly 13 hours last night, completely uninterrupted.
Today, I ate for the first time in over 36 hours...and showered. I'll tell you, the shower was far more enjoyable.
Another guy is due to move in tomorrow, and the last on Friday. I do hope that I'm in proper shape to greet them and assist with the transportation of their belongings into their respective rooms. Furthermore, I hope that they're near as decent as Grad Student!
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
I packed my things and returned to my apartment Monday evening, only to find that the locks had been changed. Thirty minutes later, I had the new key and began hauling things in... and found that one of my new flatmates was present.
Turns out to be Grad Student! We got on famously and spent the next five, yes five, hours talking about a variety of subjects. It felt so good to have a flatmate with whom I could converse about world matters and who perfectly understands the need for quiet and a reasonable amount of order. He's incredibly polite and, at 2 a.m. when we decided to call it a night, he mentioned he'd stay up a bit and watch television...and wanted to know if the volume was low enough so as not to disturb me! It was an incredible moment, after living with inconsiderate animals for a year.
As I prepared for bed, I noticed that I was feeling a little ill. Perhaps it was due to not eating enough... I got a granola bar and forced myself to take two measly bites. Nope, hunger is not the culprit here. I felt incredibly nauseous...and worse. Oh, my.
I submitted to the first wave of illness around 2:40 a.m. At 3 a.m., noticing Grad Student was still awake, I knocked on his door and explained the situation. I asked if he'd mind running down the street to get some crackers and Gatorade, my go-to food products during times of illness. He was all too happy to go, and I expressed my gratitude a million times over.
Barely 30 minutes would go by and I'd have to visit the facilities to carry out two of my least favourite activities. I was completely miserable, beyond any awful feeling I'd experienced previously. What a nightmare.
Things very slowly improved throughout the day Tuesday, but I was surely not without copious amounts of misery. After procuring some medication to settle the stomach, as well as some ginger ale, soup, and so on, thanks to my lovely mother, I was in far better shape. I slept for nearly 13 hours last night, completely uninterrupted.
Today, I ate for the first time in over 36 hours...and showered. I'll tell you, the shower was far more enjoyable.
Another guy is due to move in tomorrow, and the last on Friday. I do hope that I'm in proper shape to greet them and assist with the transportation of their belongings into their respective rooms. Furthermore, I hope that they're near as decent as Grad Student!
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
Monday, August 16, 2010
There comes a time
My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,
My return to Big City Hospital has been better than I thought it would be, but the magic and the excitement and my desire to be there as an employee have all slipped out through the back and are waiting for me to catch up in some destination unknown. Consider my two weeks notice to have been formally submitted.
Perhaps it's a mistake, and one that I'll regret greatly in the coming months and years, but this is what my heart says to do.
Some of the nurses weren't too happy, most didn't care (or didn't have time to). The idea of coming back as a volunteer was suggested by a few of them. I might do that...stay in the hospital environment, but only for a few hours one day a week. This will free up plenty of time to focus on my studies, decrease my overall stress level, and afford me the opportunity to still spend time with the nurses with whom I've forged a bit of a friendship.
We'll see. I'm still back and forth on having a medical career, and to what capacity.
Also, those who oversaw my management of the event I failed to organise all approached me recently and asked that I give it another go, but with several months extra to work on it. The realisation that the event would not be anything near the capacity to which I'd aspired was a crushing blow several months ago. Things have changed and I don't know if I feel the same passion for some particular areas of the project. I want to go through with it, but I don't know if I'll have the kind of people I need to make happen.
Furthermore, Old Flame's wedding is almost here. My desire to go is slightly above my desire to wake and find a bald spot upon my head. She's my friend, I'm happy, etc...but ahh. It could've been us. I'm glad that it isn't...yes, finally glad... but ahh. Plus, her family members make me squirm with their high society airs. I guess the upside is that there will be plenty of women around and I'm at my best in a suit and tie. Ah, I don't know.
That's what it comes down to, all over again.
I just don't know.
I just need a little hint of what I should be doing, what decisions I should be making, what I should focus on and what I should let fall to the side.
Maybe I don't need any of that. Maybe what I need is to shut up, keep my eyes open, and press on.
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
My return to Big City Hospital has been better than I thought it would be, but the magic and the excitement and my desire to be there as an employee have all slipped out through the back and are waiting for me to catch up in some destination unknown. Consider my two weeks notice to have been formally submitted.
Perhaps it's a mistake, and one that I'll regret greatly in the coming months and years, but this is what my heart says to do.
Some of the nurses weren't too happy, most didn't care (or didn't have time to). The idea of coming back as a volunteer was suggested by a few of them. I might do that...stay in the hospital environment, but only for a few hours one day a week. This will free up plenty of time to focus on my studies, decrease my overall stress level, and afford me the opportunity to still spend time with the nurses with whom I've forged a bit of a friendship.
We'll see. I'm still back and forth on having a medical career, and to what capacity.
Also, those who oversaw my management of the event I failed to organise all approached me recently and asked that I give it another go, but with several months extra to work on it. The realisation that the event would not be anything near the capacity to which I'd aspired was a crushing blow several months ago. Things have changed and I don't know if I feel the same passion for some particular areas of the project. I want to go through with it, but I don't know if I'll have the kind of people I need to make happen.
Furthermore, Old Flame's wedding is almost here. My desire to go is slightly above my desire to wake and find a bald spot upon my head. She's my friend, I'm happy, etc...but ahh. It could've been us. I'm glad that it isn't...yes, finally glad... but ahh. Plus, her family members make me squirm with their high society airs. I guess the upside is that there will be plenty of women around and I'm at my best in a suit and tie. Ah, I don't know.
That's what it comes down to, all over again.
I just don't know.
I just need a little hint of what I should be doing, what decisions I should be making, what I should focus on and what I should let fall to the side.
Maybe I don't need any of that. Maybe what I need is to shut up, keep my eyes open, and press on.
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
Saturday, August 7, 2010
It's such a perfect day
My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,
Upon waking this morning, I took to running, skipping, hopping, and ecstatically moving all over the flat. I even stood there, silently, admiring the place for several minutes. Excitement swept over me as I thought about purchasing a classically-styled wall clock, a nice floor lamp, and some other little bits and pieces to add a touch of character. Ooooh, I could even haul out my record player and show off my impressive jazz collection to several close friends. Some of them have never seen the place!
The possibilities sweeping through my head were exciting and endless. The realisation set in that, in two weeks, three new flatmates will have arrived to spend a year and that at least one of them might be sloppy. Sort of put a damper on my festivities, but I quickly brushed that aside to enjoy the moment and reassure myself that nobody could be as bad as Party Boy.
Pharmacology and I parted ways this afternoon. Overall, I was really disappointed at the shallowness of the material...the book seemed as if it were written for high school students. The biggest tragedy was the last chapter, and the one for which I'd been so excited all term: Neurological Disorders. I was expecting some good info on Parkinson's and dementia, but instead, received only 3/4 of a page for each. The majority of the chapter had to do with blasted headaches and those confounded seizures. Booooooooooring. Ah, should've known better. Now that I'm thinking about it, there wasn't even the slightest mention of neuropathy. To think!
My pharmacology book was a rental and was due back by 5 p.m. Seeing as how the bookstore is in relatively close proximity, I reckoned I could spend the afternoon watching a little golf before I subjected myself to the unbearable heat of summer.
4:30 arrived before I knew it and it was out of the flat with me. I dragged an armful of books with me to the car and started it up... but there was a bit of hesitation before the engine cranked up. Hmm, that's not good. I turned the car off and waited a minute or two. Upon trying to start it up again, I was greeted with a rapid clicking sound from the dashboard...nothing from the engine.
Stupendous.
I know a great deal about automobiles. I'm so good (HOW GOOD ARE YOU!?), I'm so good that I can look at a car's headlights and tell you...exactly which way it's going. Thank, Mitch Hedberg, for the joke.
As I was saying, I know next to nothing about automobiles. I did, however, find that I knew enough to realise the battery was kaput. I phoned in for help at 4:40 p.m. Next, I phoned the bookstore to tell them of my tale of woe. The gentleman politely told me that he was sorry about my luck, but that if the book was not back by 5, I'd be charged late fees. Nothing anyone can do about that, so, there you have it. I thanked him for his time and disconnected. It took but one phone call to find a place nearby that could get me set with a new battery in under 10 minutes. Great!
At 15 minutes past 5 p.m. (nearing the expected arrival time of The Man With The Jumper Cables, everything capitalised), the bookstore phone and said that they'd be open a little later and that I could drop it off without charge until 5:45. I told them I was still waiting for assistance and then had to get a new battery, but I'd do my absolute best to be there before they shut the doors.
Help arrived at 5:40 p.m. Furthermore, I had to stand near my car in the heat for precisely an hour. Not only that, but it began to rain as The Man began to dissolve mountains 10 km high of corrosion crusts from the battery terminals. Perfect.
Ordinarily, I'd have been fuming mad. There's another situation which I won't go into that required my presence. I wanted to be there, as well. With all of this, however, it was looking like an impossible task. But yes, I decided to just throw my hands up and surrender to the circumstances I'd been dealt.
I'm so glad that I did.
The Man was rather friendly and we had a good conversation as he resurrected, however temporarily, my car's battery. I got the feeling, a feeling I don't often get, that he was a good and honest man through and through. A thousand utterances of thanks were delivered, and received well, as we parted ways.
The automobile service joint is, at least from what I remembered, right off of one of the main roads near the university. As I approached where I thought it was, I felt my phone vibrate. I'd missed a call and whomever it was had left a voicemail. I listened to it without checking the number of the caller.
It was the bookstore.
The time, it was nearly 6 p.m. The same guy I'd dealt with earlier said that they'd just closed and were sorry that I hadn't made it in time.
...BUT, as long as I could drag my carcass in there when they first open tomorrow, I can avoid being charged anything extra.
It was a beautiful moment for me. The money, ehh, even though I haven't got it (hurry up, financial aid!), isn't was bothered me. It was the situation. Another situation in which I find myself at the receiving end of a solid blow to the kisser, as they used to say. This, too, I resigned myself to and went about my business. To hear, however, that someone was going to cut me a break... cut me a break...really made me feel incredibly thankful! I tried to phone them back to thank them, but there was no answer. I'll arrive in the morning with chilled bottles of champagne, then. heh.
There were two university-aged guys in the auto store (which, by the way, was nowhere near where I'd thought)...and once more, I found myself in the company of friendly, talkative people. We laughed about how much we'd each paid for books for the coming year, and I spread to them the gospel of e-books via torrents and such. The younger guy, just starting out his college career, was beyond thrilled to find that he could return one of his brand-new, unopened books and take back his hard-earned $170-something. I was glad to have been a part of that moment. haha.
The changing of the battery was, of course, swift. The conversation as it was switched was lively and ended with the both of us wishing each other the best of luck in the upcoming year.
The situation in which I wanted to become involved had been canceled, so there was nothing left to do but go back to my lovely flat and do, for the first time since May, precisely as I wanted! I cooked a nice dinner and as I was sipping away at my Yorkshire Tea, my phone buzzed.
Miss South America returned today. She was on my committee for the project that failed, and I'm rather sure that she fancies me a bit. I wasn't too interested, being all swept up with The Nurse and everything at the time... but now that I'm off of that, and sort of in limbo with the lovely shy girl from lab, I realised that I thought of her frequently while she was away. Our conversation ended with me asking her to visit before classes begin. She agreed, but then took off on me... probably chased her off somehow. Ha.
Things are just lovely, all the way around. I can't believe my luck to be experiencing such joy so shortly after being such a miserable wreck. That much sweeter.
I'm off to watch a film on Netflix before bed. Haven't seen a film all the way through in a while. Nice treat, with a glass of Newcastle to accent it!
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
Upon waking this morning, I took to running, skipping, hopping, and ecstatically moving all over the flat. I even stood there, silently, admiring the place for several minutes. Excitement swept over me as I thought about purchasing a classically-styled wall clock, a nice floor lamp, and some other little bits and pieces to add a touch of character. Ooooh, I could even haul out my record player and show off my impressive jazz collection to several close friends. Some of them have never seen the place!
The possibilities sweeping through my head were exciting and endless. The realisation set in that, in two weeks, three new flatmates will have arrived to spend a year and that at least one of them might be sloppy. Sort of put a damper on my festivities, but I quickly brushed that aside to enjoy the moment and reassure myself that nobody could be as bad as Party Boy.
Pharmacology and I parted ways this afternoon. Overall, I was really disappointed at the shallowness of the material...the book seemed as if it were written for high school students. The biggest tragedy was the last chapter, and the one for which I'd been so excited all term: Neurological Disorders. I was expecting some good info on Parkinson's and dementia, but instead, received only 3/4 of a page for each. The majority of the chapter had to do with blasted headaches and those confounded seizures. Booooooooooring. Ah, should've known better. Now that I'm thinking about it, there wasn't even the slightest mention of neuropathy. To think!
My pharmacology book was a rental and was due back by 5 p.m. Seeing as how the bookstore is in relatively close proximity, I reckoned I could spend the afternoon watching a little golf before I subjected myself to the unbearable heat of summer.
4:30 arrived before I knew it and it was out of the flat with me. I dragged an armful of books with me to the car and started it up... but there was a bit of hesitation before the engine cranked up. Hmm, that's not good. I turned the car off and waited a minute or two. Upon trying to start it up again, I was greeted with a rapid clicking sound from the dashboard...nothing from the engine.
Stupendous.
I know a great deal about automobiles. I'm so good (HOW GOOD ARE YOU!?), I'm so good that I can look at a car's headlights and tell you...exactly which way it's going. Thank, Mitch Hedberg, for the joke.
As I was saying, I know next to nothing about automobiles. I did, however, find that I knew enough to realise the battery was kaput. I phoned in for help at 4:40 p.m. Next, I phoned the bookstore to tell them of my tale of woe. The gentleman politely told me that he was sorry about my luck, but that if the book was not back by 5, I'd be charged late fees. Nothing anyone can do about that, so, there you have it. I thanked him for his time and disconnected. It took but one phone call to find a place nearby that could get me set with a new battery in under 10 minutes. Great!
At 15 minutes past 5 p.m. (nearing the expected arrival time of The Man With The Jumper Cables, everything capitalised), the bookstore phone and said that they'd be open a little later and that I could drop it off without charge until 5:45. I told them I was still waiting for assistance and then had to get a new battery, but I'd do my absolute best to be there before they shut the doors.
Help arrived at 5:40 p.m. Furthermore, I had to stand near my car in the heat for precisely an hour. Not only that, but it began to rain as The Man began to dissolve mountains 10 km high of corrosion crusts from the battery terminals. Perfect.
Ordinarily, I'd have been fuming mad. There's another situation which I won't go into that required my presence. I wanted to be there, as well. With all of this, however, it was looking like an impossible task. But yes, I decided to just throw my hands up and surrender to the circumstances I'd been dealt.
I'm so glad that I did.
The Man was rather friendly and we had a good conversation as he resurrected, however temporarily, my car's battery. I got the feeling, a feeling I don't often get, that he was a good and honest man through and through. A thousand utterances of thanks were delivered, and received well, as we parted ways.
The automobile service joint is, at least from what I remembered, right off of one of the main roads near the university. As I approached where I thought it was, I felt my phone vibrate. I'd missed a call and whomever it was had left a voicemail. I listened to it without checking the number of the caller.
It was the bookstore.
The time, it was nearly 6 p.m. The same guy I'd dealt with earlier said that they'd just closed and were sorry that I hadn't made it in time.
...BUT, as long as I could drag my carcass in there when they first open tomorrow, I can avoid being charged anything extra.
It was a beautiful moment for me. The money, ehh, even though I haven't got it (hurry up, financial aid!), isn't was bothered me. It was the situation. Another situation in which I find myself at the receiving end of a solid blow to the kisser, as they used to say. This, too, I resigned myself to and went about my business. To hear, however, that someone was going to cut me a break... cut me a break...really made me feel incredibly thankful! I tried to phone them back to thank them, but there was no answer. I'll arrive in the morning with chilled bottles of champagne, then. heh.
There were two university-aged guys in the auto store (which, by the way, was nowhere near where I'd thought)...and once more, I found myself in the company of friendly, talkative people. We laughed about how much we'd each paid for books for the coming year, and I spread to them the gospel of e-books via torrents and such. The younger guy, just starting out his college career, was beyond thrilled to find that he could return one of his brand-new, unopened books and take back his hard-earned $170-something. I was glad to have been a part of that moment. haha.
The changing of the battery was, of course, swift. The conversation as it was switched was lively and ended with the both of us wishing each other the best of luck in the upcoming year.
The situation in which I wanted to become involved had been canceled, so there was nothing left to do but go back to my lovely flat and do, for the first time since May, precisely as I wanted! I cooked a nice dinner and as I was sipping away at my Yorkshire Tea, my phone buzzed.
Miss South America returned today. She was on my committee for the project that failed, and I'm rather sure that she fancies me a bit. I wasn't too interested, being all swept up with The Nurse and everything at the time... but now that I'm off of that, and sort of in limbo with the lovely shy girl from lab, I realised that I thought of her frequently while she was away. Our conversation ended with me asking her to visit before classes begin. She agreed, but then took off on me... probably chased her off somehow. Ha.
Things are just lovely, all the way around. I can't believe my luck to be experiencing such joy so shortly after being such a miserable wreck. That much sweeter.
I'm off to watch a film on Netflix before bed. Haven't seen a film all the way through in a while. Nice treat, with a glass of Newcastle to accent it!
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
The plan
The plan, as it stands now, is as follows:
Number 1: MCAT next summer
Number 2: Apply to a couple of med schools and a couple of PA schools
Number 3: Look at graduate programs in the Scandinavian countries and the UK
Number 4: Look at employment with Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Number 5: Look at employment in the golf industry.
Number 5a: Look for employment in a laboratory...actually use my degree. GASP!
If I get into PA school and not med school, I reckon I'll do that a few years, which will surely strengthen my application. It'll also give me an even better look at the life of an MD and I'll make absolutely certain that's the route for me. I'll apply to med school 3 times, and if I don't make it, I don't make it.
Back to Big City Hospital later this week after three weeks away. I'm nervous, and I'm kind of dreading it to be perfectly honest. It was a disaster the last week or so I worked. Nothing to do but roll the dice and see what happens, though.
Major update: O-chem and I have officially, and finally, parted ways. I destroyed the lab; almost certainly made an A. The lecture...not so much. Probably another C. I spent a few days ripping myself to bits over that possibility, but now that it's over? Pssh. Whatever. I did the best I could, and that's all I could do. Gotta move on.
Party Boy still has loads of his stuff here, but half of it is in his new place and he is sleeping there...last night was the first. It's unbelievably lovely to have peace and quiet in the flat. It's absolute silence. It's beautiful.
Now's the time for a cup of tea and some work for my last exam of the semester...and I'm doing it with a smile.
Number 1: MCAT next summer
Number 2: Apply to a couple of med schools and a couple of PA schools
Number 3: Look at graduate programs in the Scandinavian countries and the UK
Number 4: Look at employment with Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Number 5: Look at employment in the golf industry.
Number 5a: Look for employment in a laboratory...actually use my degree. GASP!
If I get into PA school and not med school, I reckon I'll do that a few years, which will surely strengthen my application. It'll also give me an even better look at the life of an MD and I'll make absolutely certain that's the route for me. I'll apply to med school 3 times, and if I don't make it, I don't make it.
Back to Big City Hospital later this week after three weeks away. I'm nervous, and I'm kind of dreading it to be perfectly honest. It was a disaster the last week or so I worked. Nothing to do but roll the dice and see what happens, though.
Major update: O-chem and I have officially, and finally, parted ways. I destroyed the lab; almost certainly made an A. The lecture...not so much. Probably another C. I spent a few days ripping myself to bits over that possibility, but now that it's over? Pssh. Whatever. I did the best I could, and that's all I could do. Gotta move on.
Party Boy still has loads of his stuff here, but half of it is in his new place and he is sleeping there...last night was the first. It's unbelievably lovely to have peace and quiet in the flat. It's absolute silence. It's beautiful.
Now's the time for a cup of tea and some work for my last exam of the semester...and I'm doing it with a smile.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Josiah Orville Morris, this is your life...erm...today.
My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,
I awoke before the sun graced this stretch of land with its presence today (5 a.m. to be exact) and have been frantically cramming mechanisms and random bits of organic chemistry trivia into my weary brain just about ever since. Two, ohhh joy, two exams this week. Lab final one day, lecture exam the next.
In other news, the project is still a sinking ship. None of my committee responded to my phone calls and subsequent emails that I put through on Friday. Darling. Absolutely darling.
When I arrived at the apartment this morning, I opened the door expecting the usual nauseating aroma of Lord-only-knows-what that Party Boy left festering under five pounds of clothes, books, and assorted food wrappers... I expected to see rolling hills of clothing and trash in a post-apocalyptic landscape of neglect and carelessness...
...but what I saw (and smelled) brought great joy to my recently-troubled heart. Boxes. Boxes with Party Boy's stuff in them. The faint hint of various cleaning agents in the air very nearly got me excited in such a way that had only been accomplished by females in the past. Oh, boy, oh, boy. The time of his permanent departure is near! The place will be mine, all mine...all nice and clean...and QUIET for just about three glorious weeks!
Last night was a strange one, for it is usually the time I set aside to spend with my mom while I enjoy her fine home-cooking. However, she's moved into my brand-new step-father's place. Just a few things to tie up after the honeymoon and my ties with that old house will forever be cut. My ties to that part of the state, in which I spent almost all of the last 12 years, will also be almost completely severed. There are quite a number of big changes to wrap my head around at the moment, and I do say that I'm not completely processing any of them at the moment. The big three thoughts on my mind are as follows:
1. Must make an A on both my last lecture exam and final exam to make a B in the class.
2. Have to make the call to say my project won't meet its deadline next week.
3. Wondering if I should explore some other avenue instead of medicine.
Still struggling quite a bit with #3 there. I'll say one thing for certain; Boston Med is precisely the kind of kick in the pantaloons this young gentleman needs to stoke that old fire. Thursdays starting at 10 p.m. are the wildest, most focused times I've had since deciding to become a doctor.
Finally, my dear, Sunday morning brought a situation to me in which never before had I imagined I'd willfully engage... an online lonely hearts club. I've been reasoning that it's better to do something, anything, than sit round feeling miserable. My hope is that I'll come across someone with with intellectual depth the likes of which I've never known, who is tall in stature, and with creativity and genuine love for all beings oozing from her pores. So far, however, it's just been obese NASCAR and/or Twilight fans who couldn't spell to save their lives. ...par for the course?
Yes, I think so.
HA HA HA, laughs the Lord above, at poor ol' Josiah. Pooooor ol' Josiah who is purposefully being dramatic to avoid returning to the exciting world of aldol condensation reactions, and the like.
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
I awoke before the sun graced this stretch of land with its presence today (5 a.m. to be exact) and have been frantically cramming mechanisms and random bits of organic chemistry trivia into my weary brain just about ever since. Two, ohhh joy, two exams this week. Lab final one day, lecture exam the next.
In other news, the project is still a sinking ship. None of my committee responded to my phone calls and subsequent emails that I put through on Friday. Darling. Absolutely darling.
When I arrived at the apartment this morning, I opened the door expecting the usual nauseating aroma of Lord-only-knows-what that Party Boy left festering under five pounds of clothes, books, and assorted food wrappers... I expected to see rolling hills of clothing and trash in a post-apocalyptic landscape of neglect and carelessness...
...but what I saw (and smelled) brought great joy to my recently-troubled heart. Boxes. Boxes with Party Boy's stuff in them. The faint hint of various cleaning agents in the air very nearly got me excited in such a way that had only been accomplished by females in the past. Oh, boy, oh, boy. The time of his permanent departure is near! The place will be mine, all mine...all nice and clean...and QUIET for just about three glorious weeks!
Last night was a strange one, for it is usually the time I set aside to spend with my mom while I enjoy her fine home-cooking. However, she's moved into my brand-new step-father's place. Just a few things to tie up after the honeymoon and my ties with that old house will forever be cut. My ties to that part of the state, in which I spent almost all of the last 12 years, will also be almost completely severed. There are quite a number of big changes to wrap my head around at the moment, and I do say that I'm not completely processing any of them at the moment. The big three thoughts on my mind are as follows:
1. Must make an A on both my last lecture exam and final exam to make a B in the class.
2. Have to make the call to say my project won't meet its deadline next week.
3. Wondering if I should explore some other avenue instead of medicine.
Still struggling quite a bit with #3 there. I'll say one thing for certain; Boston Med is precisely the kind of kick in the pantaloons this young gentleman needs to stoke that old fire. Thursdays starting at 10 p.m. are the wildest, most focused times I've had since deciding to become a doctor.
Finally, my dear, Sunday morning brought a situation to me in which never before had I imagined I'd willfully engage... an online lonely hearts club. I've been reasoning that it's better to do something, anything, than sit round feeling miserable. My hope is that I'll come across someone with with intellectual depth the likes of which I've never known, who is tall in stature, and with creativity and genuine love for all beings oozing from her pores. So far, however, it's just been obese NASCAR and/or Twilight fans who couldn't spell to save their lives. ...par for the course?
Yes, I think so.
HA HA HA, laughs the Lord above, at poor ol' Josiah. Pooooor ol' Josiah who is purposefully being dramatic to avoid returning to the exciting world of aldol condensation reactions, and the like.
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Wasted on the...erm, elderly
My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,
I've just returned from taking part in the first of two weddings in the span of a month in which I play some role...other than groom. It's that detail that's got me down.
The wedding was nice, and I was in top form. Too bad my charm was wasted on a bunch of women who were 20+ years my senior or were otherwise involved. The realisation struck me in the shower before the big event that there might just be some lovely young women with whom I could become acquainted. Sure put a spring in my step. Oh well. Maybe at the next one.
So tired of being lonely.
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
I've just returned from taking part in the first of two weddings in the span of a month in which I play some role...other than groom. It's that detail that's got me down.
The wedding was nice, and I was in top form. Too bad my charm was wasted on a bunch of women who were 20+ years my senior or were otherwise involved. The realisation struck me in the shower before the big event that there might just be some lovely young women with whom I could become acquainted. Sure put a spring in my step. Oh well. Maybe at the next one.
So tired of being lonely.
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
Monday, July 19, 2010
Trudging along
My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,
It occurred to me over the weekend that my recent performance problems at Big City Hospital are to do with the volume of stress currently circulating in my life. I've put in for some time off, citing a need to revise for finals...which certainly is true. That's stressor #1, I reckon. I must make a score of 87 or higher to earn an A for the class...an A I so desperately desire.
Stressor #2: The project I've been overseeing for months is just about to fail. I've known it was going to happen for some time, but stayed optimistic. Our deadline is about to arrive and we have some major pieces missing. I feel like a lot of it is my fault. However, I think that I've done rather well considering the amount of leadership experience of this magnitude that I've had going into the project (none). In the coming weeks, I'm going to have to make a phone call that will make me feel three feet tall.
Stressor #3: The flat is a complete disaster. Party Boy is the individual responsible, as always...but he's outdone himself. Photographic evidence shall appear in the coming days on Living With Pigs. Let us all take a moment to pray that it will be the final update on that blog.
The rest are hardly worth mentioning.
I set my mind on sorting myself out after realising what was going wrong. Bright and early this morning I set aside half an hour for rigourous exercise. Pencilling in another half an hour later today, and continuing the trend indefinitely. Surely, the lack of exercise recently has been a major factor in my poor performance in almost all important areas of my life.
Furthermore, my diet is undergoing some changes as well. For the longest, I was the healthiest eater you'd ever want to come across. Sometime during the spring term, odd bits and pieces of junk food seeped into my diet, mainly for their convenience. Increasingly, I turned to these items without paying it much mind. At the grocer's Friday, I noticed my cart contained two bags of chips, two boxes of high-fat cookies, frozen dinners (Kashi, but still...), etc. I put most of it back and shopped like I used to. Fresh meats, vegetables, and fruits, whole wheat bread, and so on. Three days it's been now that I've reformed my diet, and I'm already feeling a bit better. Could just be a mental thing. Doesn't much matter!
Party Boy II, who I'd given a nicer nickname (now forgotten), moved out over the weekend. As the date approached, I thought how funny it was that I was sad to see him go. This time one year ago, I was dreading living with him. He was wild and out of control, at least according the the accounts of his nights posted on a social networking site. When I moved in, he lived up to the reputation for the majority of the autumn term. However, he got quite serious with a young lady and that mellowed him right out. He's still with her and whereas once he was an irresponsible party machine, he's now a focused, serious student who knows precisely where he wants to go. So glad to see that transformation. He's a good kid and I hope that he achieves all that he desires and more.
Still not sure how I'm feeling about a career in medicine. Really not thinking much about it...I'm going to wait until the fog I'm in blows over and go from there.
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
It occurred to me over the weekend that my recent performance problems at Big City Hospital are to do with the volume of stress currently circulating in my life. I've put in for some time off, citing a need to revise for finals...which certainly is true. That's stressor #1, I reckon. I must make a score of 87 or higher to earn an A for the class...an A I so desperately desire.
Stressor #2: The project I've been overseeing for months is just about to fail. I've known it was going to happen for some time, but stayed optimistic. Our deadline is about to arrive and we have some major pieces missing. I feel like a lot of it is my fault. However, I think that I've done rather well considering the amount of leadership experience of this magnitude that I've had going into the project (none). In the coming weeks, I'm going to have to make a phone call that will make me feel three feet tall.
Stressor #3: The flat is a complete disaster. Party Boy is the individual responsible, as always...but he's outdone himself. Photographic evidence shall appear in the coming days on Living With Pigs. Let us all take a moment to pray that it will be the final update on that blog.
The rest are hardly worth mentioning.
I set my mind on sorting myself out after realising what was going wrong. Bright and early this morning I set aside half an hour for rigourous exercise. Pencilling in another half an hour later today, and continuing the trend indefinitely. Surely, the lack of exercise recently has been a major factor in my poor performance in almost all important areas of my life.
Furthermore, my diet is undergoing some changes as well. For the longest, I was the healthiest eater you'd ever want to come across. Sometime during the spring term, odd bits and pieces of junk food seeped into my diet, mainly for their convenience. Increasingly, I turned to these items without paying it much mind. At the grocer's Friday, I noticed my cart contained two bags of chips, two boxes of high-fat cookies, frozen dinners (Kashi, but still...), etc. I put most of it back and shopped like I used to. Fresh meats, vegetables, and fruits, whole wheat bread, and so on. Three days it's been now that I've reformed my diet, and I'm already feeling a bit better. Could just be a mental thing. Doesn't much matter!
Party Boy II, who I'd given a nicer nickname (now forgotten), moved out over the weekend. As the date approached, I thought how funny it was that I was sad to see him go. This time one year ago, I was dreading living with him. He was wild and out of control, at least according the the accounts of his nights posted on a social networking site. When I moved in, he lived up to the reputation for the majority of the autumn term. However, he got quite serious with a young lady and that mellowed him right out. He's still with her and whereas once he was an irresponsible party machine, he's now a focused, serious student who knows precisely where he wants to go. So glad to see that transformation. He's a good kid and I hope that he achieves all that he desires and more.
Still not sure how I'm feeling about a career in medicine. Really not thinking much about it...I'm going to wait until the fog I'm in blows over and go from there.
May the grace of He keep you always,
J.O. Morris
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
