Reemergence

Hello again, world.

I spent my entire vacation barely thinking about academics and it felt so. incredibly. good. Whereas once I'd planned to spend the break slaving away for the MCAT, I instead found myself golfing often and at some beautiful courses that were brand-new to me. For the first 9 holes at one course, I was on track to break 80! I ended up falling back into terrible form on the back 9 and shot high 90s/low 100s. I also had my first hole-out, and it was out of a bunker from maybe 20 yards away!

I spent a week at my mom and step-dad's, almost every day of which was filled with highly enjoyable times with  my mom. I hadn't realised exactly how much I'd been missing her since coming to Big City University. It was amazing and I've spent each day since wishing I could go back and do it all over again. I sure do love my mama.

The time away from my flatmates was wonderful. One of the grad students had been driving me completely up the wall...unfortunately, we were only two or three weeks apart. Not nearly enough.  It never is. After less than a month since his return, I'm sickened at the sound of his laugh. Can you imagine, to be sickened at the sound of laughter? It's a disgraceful set of circumstances and I'm trying desperately to put a positive spin on it. Ugh, bottom line is, I absolutely cannot wait to have a place of my own. Just another year and a half... another year and a half...

I didn't see my friends back home once during the entire break, and this was a point of disappointment and sadness...especially bad was New Year's Eve. All day I'd been going through old VHS tapes with my mom, trying to figure out which were worth keeping. There were some old home movies from when I was a little kid...I was taken aback by how much my parents loved me and the things they did for me. That had me feeling a bit emotional, and then when I realised how happily my parents were getting along, I really had a hard time of it. I miss my parents being together. I miss my dad. I miss my dad a lot. I hardly get to talk to him and see him even less. A terrible wave of sadness crashed all around me.

I tried to contact my friends back home to hang out and get my mind off of all of this, but none of them answered my calls or texts...until 7 or 8 p.m., which was a bit too late to hit the road to see them. There had been a bit of an emergency earlier in the day and had only just then been sorted out. Understandable, but obviously disappointing.

The longer I sat there, the more I thought about my dad and how he must feel he's been viewed since the divorce. I felt absolutely awful. I began to feel awful for all of the unpleasant things I may have said to him in my youth. I felt awful about how things have panned out in his life since the divorce. I just felt awful and wanted to talk to him and tell him I love him. So I called, and I nearly cried at the sound of his voice. It was exactly the same as it was on the VHS tapes from over 20 years ago. Several times throughout the course of the conversation I was nearly reduced to tears, for no reason that he could possibly have detected. I tried to set up a time we could get together and hang out, but he was kind of wishy-washy about it. He did agree that we need to go golfing together sometime, though. I became extremely pleased with this prospect. We talked for a while longer, and when we hung up, I felt a bit better than before I called.

The rest of New Year's Eve was spent in the guest room at my mom's playing some video game and falling asleep before midnight. Hooray.

I haven't really shaken that sadness that I came upon on New Year's Eve. Like I said, I miss my parents, I miss my sister, I miss things they way they used to be... well, for the most part. I've also been really struggling with feeling like I've let my parents down by not applying to medical school this year. I know they'd be proud of me no matter what I did, but I wanted them to be really proud of me. It all goes back to feeling like a failure. It seems like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, nothing seems to amount to anything. I know that's not true completely, but for the things that really matter to me...

Ugh. Just ugh. I feel so incredibly sad. I never see my friends, hardly see my family, don't have a woman to love, don't have any money, don't have, don't have, don't have. I just want to go back to being a newborn and start all over, armed with the knowledge I have now. Boy, I sure would make the most of all those years at home with my parents. I'd make the most of a lot of things.

In happier news, my classes this term are going well and I like them all. B's should be easily within reach across the board. After this term, I just have summer classes and then the next academic year before graduation. The end is so, so close. It's going to feel so good to be finished (at long last) and look toward my next goal...especially when I'm doing it from the comfort of my own quiet and clean place.

This wasn't mean to be as depressing as it turned out to be, but I guess these were things that I had to get off of my chest. Can't say as though I feel much better having done so, and I've a mind to delete it all, but in the interest of creating a history to look back upon, it stays.

Changes

Yesterday, despite today's exam hanging over my head, was one of the nicest days I've had in recent memory. In between studying, I found time to watch two films with my favourite of this year's flatmates. We later had a conversation lasting several hours that was full of all kinds of 90s nostalgia.

Before I went to bed, the urge to listen to Hootie & the Blowfish overwhelmed me. It rather came out of nowhere, and I very nearly side-stepped indulging myself.

So glad I went through with it.

I looked up "Only Wanna Be With You" on Youtube and remembered watching the goofy video when it was all the rage on MTV years and years ago. It's actually a nice little song, and I don't care what anybody says. There was a link to "Hold My Hand," which was my favourite of their songs... as I was listening to it, I thought a lot about the negative, judgemental, and stifled way with which I've conducted myself since my mid-teens, especially as it relates to any form of art. I'm a terrible film snob, and pretty snobby about music and television, as well.

I can't really help that I prefer my entertainment to, on the whole, be challenging and engaging...but I sure can help flat-out refusing to look for the good in mindless entertainment, and I think I'll be a happier person overall for it.

So, today, I decided I'd either dig out my old Hootie CDs (still have them somewhere) or just download them. Ended up going to download them. I entered the band name in the search bar of my favourite pirating system and the first result was called something like "Top 250 Hits of the 90s." Hmm. I read through the song list and saw a bunch of songs I haven't heard in years...even music I would be embarrassed to be caught listening to now. Or, at least, would've been embarrassed to be listening to before yesterday.

It's fantastic. I'm 30-something songs into it and am listening to Counting Crows - "Mr. Jones" at the moment. I always had something against the song for some reason, but I'm enjoying it now! Other highlights that made me smile:

Seal - "Kiss From A Rose"
Everything But The Girl - "Missing"
Boyz II Men - "Water Runs Dry"
Suzanne Vega - "Tom's Diner"
Dishwalla - "Counting Blue Cars"

All of these songs are bringing back some great memories!

I watched the Karate Kid remake tonight and really had to fight to not rip it to shreds. First of all, having grown up watching the originals, I'm naturally biased against a remake. The one thing I couldn't get over was the film's title... there was no karate! The acting was generally pretty terrible... BUT! I did find some enjoyment in the fight scenes and liked the music the little girl played. One of my flatmates commented that it'd have been one of his favourite movies had he seen it when he was 8 or 9. I viewed it from that perspective, and sure, I can see it. That helped put a positive spin on the overall experience.

This won't be easy for me anytime soon, but I'm tired of being an outsider of sorts. I gave "House" a shot a little while ago, but ahhh, the guy's too big of a jerk for my taste. Immediately following it, however, I let myself laugh at Family Guy which was almost like Jesus coming back and announcing that God doesn't exist. Shocking. Terribly shocking.

All of this is kind of a personal fix for my anxiety issues. I don't reckon it could hurt. haha!

Things

• Haven't had to resort to studying in the bathroom since last weekend.
• Was below the curve again for one of my exams...oh, wonderful. Feel I did okay on the other; won't know until next week, maybe. One more to take next week.
• Won't know the results of my ADHD evaluation for three agonising weeks.
• I've taken to studying to the sounds of nature...found a bunch of mp3s of birds carrying on, ocean waves crashing, etc. It's quite lovely and almost makes me forget that I'm locked away indoors. Bird songs do wonders for my emotional state. haha
• Couldn't turn up for volunteering this week due to having been a bit under the weather in the latter half of the week.
• Rediscovered Mock the Week on Youtube and spent my last waking hour Thursday night watching clips of the "Things..." segment. Frankie Boyle, Hugh Dennis, and Milton Jones crack me up like few others can.
• Briefly, yet seriously, considered abandoning my current degree and taking back up with being an art major. Physics II is my last required class for med school, and I'll complete that in the spring. Oh, temptation. Money is a factor that severely inhibits my ability to jump ship. Only three semesters stand between me and graduation.
• Had a great time playing (getting destroyed in) FIFA on the xbox with my flatmates last night. Competition was fierce!
• I've begun organising my Christmas break schedule. I'll hopefully get in to shadow in the ER for the duration of the break. I'll begin my MCAT prep...and if finances allow, I'll take a wee roadtrip with my flatmates!

The end. heh

All things must pass

The peace and quiet in the apartment has now come to an end. Grad Student I decided to get drunk and watch football. He's every bit as loud as my flatmates were last year.

...all this, the weekend before a big exam week for me. Feels like I just can't win!

So, I'm writing this from my bathroom. It's got a really noisy exhaust fan, so it drowns out GS I's ridiculous yelling at the television. I wish I would've thought of studying in here last year!!

Connections

Had a rough day yesterday...one of those "Never gonna make it to med school" days. One of my flatmates provided some encouraging words that didn't sink it until lunchtime today. More on that in a bit.

For the first time since the beginning of the term, I understood precisely what was going on for about a 20 minute chunk of my molecular biology lecture. It was exactly the second wind I needed to ramp up my exam-prep.

After class, I went to take care of some small things around town and happened upon a gigantic antiques shop. I'm drawn to antiques shops like moth to flame. There is something so mysterious, charming, and worthy of praise about them... not much produced these days is built to last, so naturally, I value highly the longevity of these items.

As I wandered around from one aisle to the next, I saw all manner of trinkets, furniture, and books. If only I could take it all home with me. I decided that I'd let myself buy one item (or a combination of items, not to exceed $20 in total) if something really took hold of me. The closest I came was with a shelf full of very old cameras. I have one that belonged to my great-grandfather that is in the precise style as all of the ones in the shop, but definitely higher end. Still, though, to see so many was a joy.

...and I thought about my grandfather, for whom photography was a great passion. It's getting close to 20 years since he passed and I miss him greatly. I often wish that he was still here to see me on my path to medical school, and I sure could use his guidance on all things academic. He was a doctor, but not of the medical variety. Anyway, as I was turning the camera in my hands, I smiled and wondered what his reaction would be to these items...I wondered if he'd greet them with as much approval.

I took the long way home. I don't recall thinking about anything in particular, which is rather strange for me. During a study break, I thought a little about the girl I'd met yesterday. My flatmates say I should snatch her up now before someone else does, but I'd feel more than a little weird dating someone fresh out of high school. Some part of me agrees I should dive in and see what happens. Uh, the rest of me is waiting to dive in after she's above the legal drinking age. ha.

I also thought about the advice from my flatmate...he was very encouraging when he said that I shouldn't worry about failure, that I shouldn't worry about my last year of university not being outstanding, stop doubting myself, and just go for it. Since I last met with my pre-health advisor, I've been thinking a lot about his advice to stay for another year to show solid academic achievement. I really don't want to. Maybe it's foolish to ignore his advice, but I made up my mind to do just that. I feel like I'm ready. Full steam ahead!

No time was wasted whipping out the MSAR and evaluating all of the schools I'd bookmarked earlier in the year. I removed some bookmarks, added some new ones, and made an Excel sheet with all of the pertinent data on each school. I can sort it by GPA, science GPA, MCAT, etc... time well spent! I picked a half dozen schools to which I'll apply and felt more motivated than I have in a month.

Just a few minutes ago, I spoke to my grandma for the first time in a few months (ah!!). At the end of the call, she mentioned my grandpa and how he struggled and doubted himself plenty, as well. End the end, he got to where he'd wanted to go. She told me to keep my nose to the grindstone, shoulder to the wheel, and in those precise words.

After we hung up, I thought more about my grandpa, and about this morning in the antiques shop. Maybe he is witnessing all of this, and cheering me on, to boot. It's a lovely thought.

Getting better all the time

My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,

I packed my things and returned to my apartment Monday evening, only to find that the locks had been changed. Thirty minutes later, I had the new key and began  hauling things in... and found that one of my new flatmates was present.

Turns out to be Grad Student! We got on famously and spent the next five, yes five, hours talking about a variety of subjects. It felt so good to have a flatmate with whom I could converse about world matters and who perfectly understands the need for quiet and a reasonable amount of order. He's incredibly polite and, at 2 a.m. when we decided to call it a night, he mentioned he'd stay up a bit and watch television...and wanted to know if the volume was low enough so as not to disturb me! It was an incredible moment, after living with inconsiderate animals for a year.

As I prepared for bed, I noticed that I was feeling a little ill. Perhaps it was due to not eating enough... I got a granola bar and forced myself to take two measly bites. Nope, hunger is not the culprit here. I felt incredibly nauseous...and worse. Oh, my.

I submitted to the first wave of illness around 2:40 a.m. At 3 a.m., noticing Grad Student was still awake, I knocked on his door and explained the situation. I asked if he'd mind running down the street to get some crackers and Gatorade, my go-to food products during times of illness. He was all too happy to go, and I expressed my gratitude a million times over.

Barely 30 minutes would go by and I'd have to visit the facilities to carry out two of my least favourite activities. I was completely miserable, beyond any awful feeling I'd experienced previously. What a nightmare.

Things very slowly improved throughout the day Tuesday, but I was surely not without copious amounts of misery. After procuring some medication to settle the stomach, as well as some ginger ale, soup, and so on, thanks to my lovely mother, I was in far better shape. I slept for nearly 13 hours last night, completely uninterrupted.

Today, I ate for the first time in over 36 hours...and showered. I'll tell you, the shower was far more enjoyable.

Another guy is due to move in tomorrow, and the last on Friday. I do hope that I'm in proper shape to greet them and assist with the transportation of their belongings into their respective rooms. Furthermore, I hope that they're near as decent as Grad Student!

May the grace of He keep you always,

J.O. Morris

It's such a perfect day

My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,

Upon waking this morning, I took to running, skipping, hopping, and ecstatically moving all over the flat. I even stood there, silently, admiring the place for several minutes. Excitement swept over me as I thought about purchasing a classically-styled wall clock, a nice floor lamp, and some other little bits and pieces to add a touch of character. Ooooh, I could even haul out my record player and show off my impressive jazz collection to several close friends. Some of them have never seen the place!

The possibilities sweeping through my head were exciting and endless. The realisation set in that, in two weeks, three new flatmates will have arrived to spend a year and that at least one of them might be sloppy. Sort of put a damper on my festivities, but I quickly brushed that aside to enjoy the moment and reassure myself that nobody could be as bad as Party Boy.

Pharmacology and I parted ways this afternoon. Overall, I was really disappointed at the shallowness of the material...the book seemed as if it were written for high school students. The biggest tragedy was the last chapter, and the one for which I'd been so excited all term: Neurological Disorders. I was expecting some good info on Parkinson's and dementia, but instead, received only 3/4 of a page for each. The majority of the chapter had to do with blasted headaches and those confounded seizures. Booooooooooring. Ah, should've known better. Now that I'm thinking about it, there wasn't even the slightest mention of neuropathy. To think!

My pharmacology book was a rental and was due back by 5 p.m. Seeing as how the bookstore is in relatively close proximity, I reckoned I could spend the afternoon watching a little golf before I subjected myself to the unbearable heat of summer.

4:30 arrived before I knew it and it was out of the flat with me. I dragged an armful of books with me to the car and started it up... but there was a bit of hesitation before the engine cranked up. Hmm, that's not good. I turned the car off and waited a minute or two. Upon trying to start it up again, I was greeted with a rapid clicking sound from the dashboard...nothing from the engine.

Stupendous.

I know a great deal about automobiles. I'm so good (HOW GOOD ARE YOU!?), I'm so good that I can look at a car's headlights and tell you...exactly which way it's going. Thank, Mitch Hedberg, for the joke.

As I was saying, I know next to nothing about automobiles. I did, however, find that I knew enough to realise the battery was kaput. I phoned in for help at 4:40 p.m. Next, I phoned the bookstore to tell them of my tale of woe. The gentleman politely told me that he was sorry about my luck, but that if the book was not back by 5, I'd be charged late fees. Nothing anyone can do about that, so, there you have it. I thanked him for his time and disconnected. It took but one phone call to find a place nearby that could get me set with a new battery in under 10 minutes. Great!

At 15 minutes past 5 p.m. (nearing the expected arrival time of The Man With The Jumper Cables, everything capitalised), the bookstore phone and said that they'd be open a little later and that I could drop it off without charge until 5:45. I told them I was still waiting for assistance and then had to get a new battery, but I'd do my absolute best to be there before they shut the doors.

Help arrived at 5:40 p.m. Furthermore, I had to stand near my car in the heat for precisely an hour. Not only that, but it began to rain as The Man began to dissolve mountains 10 km high of corrosion crusts from the battery terminals. Perfect.

Ordinarily, I'd have been fuming mad. There's another situation which I won't go into that required my presence. I wanted to be there, as well. With all of this, however, it was looking like an impossible task. But yes, I decided to just throw my hands up and surrender to the circumstances I'd been dealt.

I'm so glad that I did.

The Man was rather friendly and we had a good conversation as he resurrected, however temporarily, my car's battery. I got the feeling, a feeling I don't often get, that he was a good and honest man through and through. A thousand utterances of thanks were delivered, and received well, as we parted ways.

The automobile service joint is, at least from what I remembered, right off of one of the main roads near the university. As I approached where I thought it was, I felt my phone vibrate. I'd missed a call and whomever it was had left a voicemail. I listened to it without checking the number of the caller.

It was the bookstore.

The time, it was nearly 6 p.m. The same guy I'd dealt with earlier said that they'd just closed and were sorry that I hadn't made it in time.

...BUT, as long as I could drag my carcass in there when they first open tomorrow, I can avoid being charged anything extra.

It was a beautiful moment for me. The money, ehh, even though I haven't got it (hurry up, financial aid!), isn't was bothered me. It was the situation. Another situation in which I find myself at the receiving end of a solid blow to the kisser, as they used to say. This, too, I resigned myself to and went about my business. To hear, however, that someone was going to cut me a break... cut me a break...really made me feel incredibly thankful! I tried to phone them back to thank them, but there was no answer. I'll arrive in the morning with chilled bottles of champagne, then. heh.

There were two university-aged guys in the auto store (which, by the way, was nowhere near where I'd thought)...and once more, I found myself in the company of friendly, talkative people. We laughed about how much we'd each paid for books for the coming year, and I spread to them the gospel of e-books via torrents and such. The younger guy, just starting out his college career, was beyond thrilled to find that he could return one of his brand-new, unopened books and take back his hard-earned $170-something. I was glad to have been a part of that moment. haha.

The changing of the battery was, of course, swift. The conversation as it was switched was lively and ended with the both of us wishing each other the best of luck in the upcoming year.

The situation in which I wanted to become involved had been canceled, so there was nothing left to do but go back to my lovely flat and do, for the first time since May, precisely as I wanted! I cooked a nice dinner and as I was sipping away at my Yorkshire Tea, my phone buzzed.

Miss South America returned today. She was on my committee for the project that failed, and I'm rather sure that she fancies me a bit. I wasn't too interested, being all swept up with The Nurse and everything at the time... but now that I'm off of that, and sort of in limbo with the lovely shy girl from lab, I realised that I thought of her frequently while she was away. Our conversation ended with me asking her to visit before classes begin. She agreed, but then took off on me... probably chased her off somehow. Ha.

Things are just lovely, all the way around. I can't believe my luck to be experiencing such joy so shortly after being such a miserable wreck. That much sweeter.

I'm off to watch a film on Netflix before bed. Haven't seen a film all the way through in a while. Nice treat, with a glass of Newcastle to accent it!

May the grace of He keep you always,

J.O. Morris

The plan

The plan, as it stands now, is as follows:

Number 1: MCAT next summer
Number 2: Apply to a couple of med schools and a couple of PA schools
Number 3: Look at graduate programs in the Scandinavian countries and the UK
Number 4: Look at employment with Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Number 5: Look at employment in the golf industry.
Number 5a: Look for employment in a laboratory...actually use my degree. GASP!

If I get into PA school and not med school, I reckon I'll do that a few years, which will surely strengthen my application. It'll also give me an even better look at the life of an MD and I'll make absolutely certain that's the route for me. I'll apply to med school 3 times, and if I don't make it, I don't make it.

Back to Big City Hospital later this week after three weeks away. I'm nervous, and I'm kind of dreading it to be perfectly honest. It was a disaster the last week or so I worked. Nothing to do but roll the dice and see what happens, though.

Major update: O-chem and I have officially, and finally, parted ways. I destroyed the lab; almost certainly made an A. The lecture...not so much. Probably another C. I spent a few days ripping myself to bits over that possibility, but now that it's over? Pssh. Whatever. I did the best I could, and that's all I could do. Gotta move on.

Party Boy still has loads of his stuff here, but half of it is in his new place and he is sleeping there...last night was the first. It's unbelievably lovely to have peace and quiet in the flat. It's absolute silence. It's beautiful.

Now's the time for a cup of tea and some work for my last exam of the semester...and I'm doing it with a smile.

This just in...

...only one flatmate selected for the apartment so far...and he's a grad student! His area of study is a mystery at the moment, but the lady in the office said that he was terribly excited to have been matched with someone studious.

Party Boy should be out this weekend, just in time for finals!

Josiah Orville Morris, this is your life...erm...today.

My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,

I awoke before the sun graced this stretch of land with its presence today (5 a.m. to be exact) and have been frantically cramming mechanisms and random bits of organic chemistry trivia into my weary brain just about ever since. Two, ohhh joy, two exams this week. Lab final one day, lecture exam the next. 

In other news, the project is still a sinking ship. None of my committee responded to my phone calls and subsequent emails that I put through on Friday. Darling. Absolutely darling.

When I arrived at the apartment this morning, I opened the door expecting the usual nauseating aroma of Lord-only-knows-what that Party Boy left festering under five pounds of clothes, books, and assorted food wrappers... I expected to see rolling hills of clothing and trash in a post-apocalyptic landscape of neglect and carelessness...

...but what I saw (and smelled) brought great joy to my recently-troubled heart. Boxes. Boxes with Party Boy's stuff in them. The faint hint of various cleaning agents in the air very nearly got me excited in such a way that had only been accomplished by females in the past. Oh, boy, oh, boy. The time of his permanent departure is near! The place will be mine, all mine...all nice and clean...and QUIET for just about three glorious weeks!

Last night was a strange one, for it is usually the time I set aside to spend with my mom while I enjoy her fine home-cooking. However, she's moved into my brand-new step-father's place. Just a few things to tie up after the honeymoon and my ties with that old house will forever be cut. My ties to that part of the state, in which I spent almost all of the last 12 years, will also be almost completely severed. There are quite a number of big changes to wrap my head around at the moment, and I do say that I'm not completely processing any of them at the moment. The big three thoughts on my mind are as follows:

1. Must make an A on both my last lecture exam and final exam to make a B in the class.
2. Have to make the call to say my project won't meet its deadline next week.
3. Wondering if I should explore some other avenue instead of medicine.

Still struggling quite a bit with #3 there. I'll say one thing for certain; Boston Med is precisely the kind of kick in the pantaloons this young gentleman needs to stoke that old fire. Thursdays starting at 10 p.m. are the wildest, most focused times I've had since deciding to become a doctor.

Finally, my dear, Sunday morning brought a situation to me in which never before had I imagined I'd willfully engage... an online lonely hearts club. I've been reasoning that it's better to do something, anything, than sit round feeling miserable. My hope is that I'll come across someone with with intellectual depth the likes of which I've never known, who is tall in stature, and with creativity and genuine love for all beings oozing from her pores. So far, however, it's just been obese NASCAR and/or Twilight fans who couldn't spell to save their lives. ...par for the course?

Yes, I think so.

HA HA HA, laughs the Lord above, at poor ol' Josiah. Pooooor ol' Josiah who is purposefully being dramatic to avoid returning to the exciting world of aldol condensation reactions, and the like.

May the grace of He keep you always,

J.O. Morris

Trudging along

My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,

It occurred to me over the weekend that my recent performance problems at Big City Hospital are to do with the volume of stress currently circulating in my life. I've put in for some time off, citing a need to revise for finals...which certainly is true. That's stressor #1, I reckon. I must make a score of 87 or higher to earn an A for the class...an A I so desperately desire.

Stressor #2: The project I've been overseeing for months is just about to fail. I've known it was going to happen for some time, but stayed optimistic. Our deadline is about to arrive and we have some major pieces missing. I feel like a lot of it is my fault. However, I think that I've done rather well considering the amount of leadership experience of this magnitude that I've had going into the project (none). In the coming weeks, I'm going to have to make a phone call that will make me feel three feet tall.

Stressor #3: The flat is a complete disaster. Party Boy is the individual responsible, as always...but he's outdone himself. Photographic evidence shall appear in the coming days on Living With Pigs. Let us all take a moment to pray that it will be the final update on that blog.

The rest are hardly worth mentioning.

I set my mind on sorting myself out after realising what was going wrong. Bright and early this morning I set aside half an hour for rigourous exercise. Pencilling in another half an hour later today, and continuing the trend indefinitely. Surely, the lack of exercise recently has been a major factor in my poor performance in almost all important areas of my life.

Furthermore, my diet is undergoing some changes as well. For the longest, I was the healthiest eater you'd ever want to come across. Sometime during the spring term, odd bits and pieces of junk food seeped into my diet, mainly for their convenience. Increasingly, I turned to these items without paying it much mind. At the grocer's Friday, I noticed my cart contained two bags of chips, two boxes of high-fat cookies, frozen dinners (Kashi, but still...), etc. I put most of it back and shopped like I used to. Fresh meats, vegetables, and fruits, whole wheat bread, and so on. Three days it's been now that I've reformed my diet, and I'm already feeling a bit better. Could just be a mental thing. Doesn't much matter!

Party Boy II, who I'd given a nicer nickname (now forgotten), moved out over the weekend. As the date approached, I thought how funny it was that I was sad to see him go. This time one year ago, I was dreading living with him. He was wild and out of control, at least according the the accounts of his nights posted on a social networking site. When I moved in, he lived up to the reputation for the majority of the autumn term. However, he got quite serious with a young lady and that mellowed him right out. He's still with her and whereas once he was an irresponsible party machine, he's now a focused, serious student who knows precisely where he wants to go. So glad to see that transformation. He's a good kid and I hope that he achieves all that he desires and more.

Still not sure how I'm feeling about a career in medicine. Really not thinking much about it...I'm going to wait until the fog I'm in blows over and go from there.

May the grace of He keep you always,

J.O. Morris

Nothing special

My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,

Over the weekend, I had occasion to engage in the great game of golf with some of my oldest friends. The heat and humidity, even at 8 a.m. when we teed off, was almost unbearable for the first 30 minutes. However, once egos and excessive boasting came into the picture, the foul weather was the least of our concerns.

It was a brilliant match. One friend had never been golfing before and did extraordinarily well. In the end, we were all within 10 strokes of each other (but all way, waaayy over par), at least according to the scores we recorded. My cheating was kept to a minimum for a realistic idea of how I'd do in a tournament situation, for example. The score left a lot to be desired, but was better than how I've done in the past when I was cheating massively.

The lovely nurse I've had my eye on for a while has been more chatty and smiley than usual and the perpetually grumpy nurse has been a bit nicer towards me since our little breakthrough the other week. I'm rather confused as to what to do about the situation with that nurse I fancy. Loads of incredibly pleasant patients lately, but the amount of visitors they're receiving is minimal. There's an overall good vibe throughout the ward and it's the first I've experienced such universal happiness there. Even some of the doctors, normally charging round with furrowed brows and unwelcoming vibes, are a bit at ease.

Hmm. Seems as though Party Boy has procured vast quantities of alcohol and has organised a bit of a gathering. Each bottle cap that I hear hitting some surface other than the inside of the rubbish bin puts me that much more on edge. Perhaps I should join them and imbibe, myself. If only mastering my courses wasn't such a priority...

May the grace of He keep you always,

J.O. Morris

Lover, come back to me

Dear Peace & Quiet,

I love you. I miss you. Please, come back to me.

Yours forever and ever,

J.O. Morris

Stormy weather

I don't reckon I'll ever grow tired of this song. Throughout the years, I've turned to it in times of crisis and in times of joy...each time was as relevant as the other. Fantastic.

Having a prolonged spell of PMAD after grades came in. Furthermore, I became more aware of my non-existent love life over the break between terms. It was a big ol' self-pity marathon. blah.

However, things are looking up. I've made strong grades in the rest of the classes that make up one's science GPA, and I still have three of the core classes to complete. I'll probably come away with a 3.7, maaaaybe 3.8, and I can't be too wrecked about that. Also, Party Boy I is moving out in less than a month. Party Boy II and I are getting on quite well lately and I suppose I'll be sad to see him go at the end of the summer. Deep down, he's a good kid. Finally in the good news department, one of my professors is from the East End and thank the lord above, he teaches my 8 a.m. class. Dry humour at that hour is also especially welcome...further made more entertaining when examining those students around me who haven't a clue what he just said.

The scale is tipping ever-so slightly in my direction at present, and I'll take it. Gladly.

All bro-ed out

My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,

On my journey home from campus today, a rather obnoxious frat boy was chattering away on his phone. From this, I learned that he finds it funny to pick fights with bouncers in clubs (and even funnier to get kicked out for it), he can get 10 girls to go to some social with him if he really wanted to, and that he really wants to fornicate with some poor girl in one of his classes...without his girlfriend's knowledge...because she's only giving it up a few times a week, but he's a MAN, BRO, and needs it, like, every day. At least once.

I whipped out my phone and attempted to record the conversation, but I just picked up a lot of road noise and air conditioner noises. Oh well. Anyway, I was happy knowing that I'd not hear "bro" again for the remainder of the day.

That is, until Party Boy I brought his frat boy friend over. Yessssss. Bro this, bro that, and bro the other. Bro, bro, bro.

At least his collar is resting as it should.

May the grace of He keep you always,

J.O. Morris

A remote control to change your situation

Wouldn't it be lovely if there existed a remote control capable of muting others (including the noises they cause)? Yes, I suspect it would be quite lovely.

I don't reckon that I'd use it on too many folks, but you can rest assured that my flatmates would be on permanent mute. How can people stand so much noise?

Currently, Party Boy I and The Pompous One are in the living room with some war-time video game on full blast. Explosions, incessant gun fire, yelling...I've been living in a warzone since August. Can't say as though I'm all that happy about it.

A lot of my problems could be solved with such a simple device. Perhaps a few swift punches to the noses of these animals might do the trick...

Now, now, Josiah.

P.S. In search of some sort of high point today, I went to the driving range. Didn't find what I was looking for at all. Every last shot was worthless...most aggravating time of it I've ever had.

tee hee hee

I don't dare ask him how he felt about the shenanigans during the Bush years...

...because he was in elementary and middle school for most of it.

Just put the air conditioner on

Well, some of the good cheer of the entry from just moments ago is now gone.

I went to the kitchen to make coffee and found the front door wide open. I wondered why someone was standing there holding open the door... and as I exited the hallway, found that it's been propped open by someone's shoe. A bunch of them are huddled around the table playing Risk or something.

That was a bit irritating, because when the bugs come in, they'll go straight to my room. They'll wait and hang out undetected for a few days or weeks, but come out of hiding the night before I need to get up ridiculously early for something terribly engaging and important.

,..kind of like what happened (several times) last term!

The most memorable night was just before an organic chemistry exam. It was about 11 p.m. and I'd successfully made my roommates shut up so I could sleep. I was just about drift off when I started hearing a sound like rain hitting my blinds. "Oh, how lovely," I thought, and smiled as I listened to the soothing rain.

"Hey, I don't have my window open..."

"...so what is making that noise?"

I lift my head and see the shadow of a roach crawling around on the backside of the blinds. The window is RIGHT NEXT to my bed.

I went into battle mode.

The only item I had readily available to deliver a much-deserved punishment to the intruder was a dressy type of shoe...I'd rather have used something a bit more disposable, but I didn't want to go hunting and take my eyes off of that vile creature.

I waited until it emerged from behind the blinds to launch my assault. My anger at this point was about an 11 on a scale only meant to go to 10 and I let loose with a savage strike.

...and missed.

The devilish thing jumped off of the wall and ran under my bed. So, I took off the two-piece mattress thing and kicked around all of the things I stash underneath...nothing. My closet is right next to this, and if it went in there, I was never going to find it. My anger reached 12 out of 10 and now an hour had passed since I'd first been engaged in this affair.

Eventually, I found it under a little box and thought that it was dead. I gave it a good bash, just in case.

...and it took off running up the wall.

20 out of 10.

I beat the hell out of it. Absolute demolition. Came close to spitting on its carcass and strutting around like some sort of macho man, but instead I began the long clean-up process.

After piecing my room back together, over two hours had gone by. Three (plus) hours had gone by  when I finally fell asleep. Four hours later, my alarm went off.

I got a 60-something on the exam.

Looking forward to more,

J.O. Morris

From the fingertips of Pompous (Former) Pre-med

My dearest Nora, wherever thou mayst roam,

Brace yourself for what you're about to read. This comes from a young man who calls himself a Christian and who, for quite some time, was passionate about becoming a physician. I think that, after reading this, you'll agree that his abandonment of that goal (to pursue some sort of business degree, no less) was a good decision.

These words came via a social networking site when a mutual friend expressed his desire for the passing of the health care bill. Our mutual friend is not a terribly intelligent guy by any stretch of the imagination, but he's got a heart of gold and a mind completely absent of hate. Easily one of the nicest, friendliest people I've ever met. He radiates a sort of pureness and goodness, and you just can't help but like him.

At any rate, here is what my flatmate had to say in response. I highlighted...well, the highlights (poor spelling, paranoia, unnecessarily mean and belittling statements...).

"This is about more than just taxes, this is about the government taking a piss on the constitution. This is about them stripping us of our rights every day. This is about you wanting things and not wanting to pay for it. And even if this was a good idea and would make healthcare better (which it wont) we cant afford it and it will drive our country into bankruptsy. I am not surprised you want it though, you blame all your problems on someone else and expect others to take care of you and pay for everything. The responsibility to take care of yourself is on the individual, when the government has countrol they have all the power and can litterally decide who lives and who dies. This bill will change the fundementals of our country and alow them to take more of our God given rights away.

But it gets worse, in the bill they are changing education. If this is passed you will no longer be able to take a student loan from a bank but willl have to go through the government. They will then be able to decide who gets an education and who doesnt. You should be alright though bc you are in the bottom of the intelectual poole and they will certainly take care of the dumber, less fortunate portion of the country and make thoughs who worked hard find their own way. But they wont be able to bc they took away private funding.

This bill is the first movement to a socialist country, a style of government that millions have fought and died to get away from. But that doesnt matter to you, you just want a free lunch no matter what the real cost of our liberties is.

Oh, and maybe you should do a little research and see that Obamas sad stories about ppl dying with no healthcare are a bunch of lies. Most of them were taken care of and died of natural caused, something that is sad but will always happen"


I love the one about God-given rights being taken away. Is not health a God-given right? Obviously not to him. His terrible comments to our friend about him being at the bottom of the intellectual gene pool (and HE'S one to be talking with 3rd grade grammar and spelling like that!) and such left me incensed and I really wanted to tear into him. I thought better of it, however. Our friend didn't respond negatively, either. I knew he wouldn't.


Heh, had I been in the apartment when the bill passed I bet I could've witnessed a heart attack or two. My present company, gracious enough to put me up for the evening after a great day of golf, are uninterested in American politics and we've spent our time watching Jim Furyk win at Innisbrook, sipping fantastic tea, and having grand conversations. It's a nice little life they've carved out for themselves.

In unrelated news, I met with my advisor last week to discuss the term, what the future terms will hold, and how I'm feeling in general about the road to medical school. She paid me some high compliments, best of which was that I'm a strong, lively, and memorable presence...that I have a way with words, good sense of humour, make great eye contact, and generally exude an air of relaxed confidence. ...wow. I felt myself turn bright red when the compliments started raining down. If I didn't know better, I'd have thought she was hitting on me. Those are not things that I hear very often about myself, and I don't even know if I believe most of them to be true. However, she seemed convinced that as long as I can construct a good story, I'll have no problem with medical school admissions committees. I reckon I'll know for sure in two years' time.

May the grace of He keep you always,


J.O. Morris

My good fortune

Funny how social hour in my living room always seems to take place the evening before an exam for which I'm frantically trying to cram.