Still feeling pretty upset about my academic situation, but at least I've been honest with myself this morning and accepted the fact that I knew it going to come to this for a while now. I was just in denial.
I've seriously explored changing my major. Again. Biology was never my strong suit and I don't know what possessed me to select a course of study that deals with its many intricacies. The only problem is that if I jump ship on my current degree, I'm essentially starting all over no matter what I pick. I can't afford (financially or emotionally) to start over, so I'm stuck.
Trying to accept the fact that I might fail one of my required courses. I can take it in the spring, but I don't know when I can take the second half of it...which means I might be in school an extra semester. Again, can't really afford it.
So, in a few minutes, I'm going to devote every waking hour to revision for that terrible class and pray that I make a high enough grade to scrape by. My, my. How my standards have fallen.
With the possibility of getting into medical school being equivalent to the likelihood of a white Christmas, I'm trying to refocus on a new target. PA school has always been second in line. I stand a fair chance for acceptance there, especially with good GRE scores. Maybe medical school can come later...if at all.
Other than that, however, I'm stumped. Graduate school isn't as appealing as it once was...perhaps with another area of focus, but certainly not this garbage.
This is a terrible position for someone like me to be in. I see doors closing left and right. The worst part about all of it is that I know I'm capable, and have demonstrated it time and time again in the past. The current run of things, however, leads any observer to believe quite the opposite.
Maybe I shouldn't worry about it anymore. Maybe I should just do what I can and see how things turn out, basically leaving it up to chance. Might be less stressful than what I've been doing.
At any rate, I'm going to hole up for the next 4 days, arming myself to the teeth with pointless knowledge to regurgitate in exchange for passing grades. Then, a whole month to relax and refocus.
Moving forward, moving on.
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Just remember, one door closes another opens. No matter what you choose to do, there is always an end and a meaning behind it. Just take a deep breath and whatever happens will happen for a reason. Hang in there. :)
ReplyDeleteI went through most of the emotions you're currently riding when I was in the pre-med years.
ReplyDeleteThere are a few things to keep in mind (which are obvious and you probably know but sometimes it is good to hear them):
-you can make mistakes, bomb a course or two, even drop out and fail and still get into medical school (I did!)
-you can switch your major, take a year off to work/travel/save money and start afresh in a new program (I did!)
-you can hate your life, curse the heavens, question all of your decisions and planning towards your goal, decide you will never get in because you can't get great grades and kick medicine to the curb (I did!)
-you can do less-than-stellar on the MCAT and still get into medicine (I did!)
-you can do another career for, oh, 5 years...then do medicine (fill in proclamation here)
Bottom line is--don't be too hard on yourself. This is clearly a passion for you and one day you'll be a medical student. It is important to keep striving and keep your eye on the prize but not to the exclusion of your sanity and quality of life. MCAT's, applications, pre-req courses are not 'once in a lifetime'events, they are part of a process which can unfold in many different permutations.
Breathe. Focus. Courage!
(Steps off small motivational speaker stage and returns to questioning all the decisions she's made in her own life). :)
Thanks to the both of you for your kind words and encouragement.
ReplyDeleteABB, wow. I've read your comment several times since you posted it and always start in on a reply, each time saying something different...except for "wow" =)
I still don't know if being a doctor is in the cards for me. I kind of don't care right now, either! I just want to finish university without the stress, which wasn't helping my grades any.
K, I definitely agree that whatever happens is what is meant to happen, and I'm trying to keep that in mind. It's hard for a control freak to submit to, though =P
Thanks again, to the both of you!